Recent kwiples

Monday 17th of June 2019 Available without prescription™ © 2015
Aging Right now, we live well, and then we don't live well, and then we die. The most that science seems to offer us is this: We'll live well, and then we'll die. Adam Gopnik, New Yorker, May 13, 2019 © 2019
Asslickers And then, along with several Diet-Coke-soaked cheeseburgers, your soul makes the journey through Trump's digestive tract and is eventually excreted. And then you're Stephen Miller. Stephen Colbert, Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 5/2/2019, completing James Comey's statement that “Mr. Trump eats your soul in small bites.” © 2019
Books I hear it's a terrific book. One of these days I'm going to read it myself. Ronald Reagan, commenting on An American Life,  his “autobiography” written by two dozen people © 2019
Bullshit “I saw Trump's ball go in the lake,” one of the caddies told me. “I mean, I saw the ripples! But by the time we caught up to him and his cart, the ball was back on the fairway. When we asked him what happened, he said, “'Must've been the tide.'” Rick Reilly, Commander in Cheat © 2019
Bullshitters say I am the law and order candidate. Not only am I the law and order candidate, but I am also the candidate of compassion, believe it. The candidate of compassion. Donald Trump © 2019
Bullshitters say I don't do coverups. Donald Trump © 2019
Cocks of the walk say  I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won't lose a penny.  Donald Trump © 2019
Cocks of the walk say Nobody ever  cashes my checks. They frame them! Donald Trump © 2019
Cocks of the walk say  Only nine people in the world have that! Donald Trump, on a card he carries proclaiming, Bearer Eats Free at Any McDonald's Worldwide © 2019
Cocks of the walk say When it comes to golf, very few people can beat me. Donald Trump © 2019
Judges As of April 1, a record 39 judges have been appointed to lifetime posts on the Supreme Court and the federal courts of appeals. Right-wing organizations like the Federalist Society and the Heritage Foundation have played an important role too, including spending millions of dollars promoting Trump's judicial nominations … These nominess have developed a clear pattern of protecting corporations, the wealthy and the powerful over all people. Elliot Mincberg, The Washington Spectator, May 3, 2019 © 2019
Kwiplers say Count votes in Congress by: 1. Calculating a Member's Proportional Vote (MPV) for each member, as follows: MPV = SPNP / NLRS where: SPNP = State's Percentage of the National Population NLRS = Number of Legislators Representing the State (in that legislature) 2. Totaling “yes” MPVs and “no” MPVs 3. Passing if total MPV is more than 50 OTHERWISE Abolish the Senate © 2019
Kwiplers say Enhance America's infrastructure (1) without privatizing it (2) without giving tax breaks and windfall profits to private investors (3) without issuing government bonds, which increases government debt and income inequality resulting from paying interest to bondholders by (1) contracting to build or improve assets of long-lasting public value, like roads, schools, parks, housing (2) printing money and paying for work as it's done © 2017
Lies When the attorney general lies to Congress, it is a crime. When the president does it, it is the state of the union. Stephen Colbert, Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 5/2/2019 © 2019
Losers When Trump broke tradition with every modern president and refused to sell his businesses or at least put them in a blind trust, he must have figured he'd make much more money his way. Turned out just the opposite. Most financial experts say if he'd have sold it all and put everything into America's bull market, he'd be worth $500 million more today. Rick Reilly, Commander in Cheat  [April, 2019] © 2019
Out-of-step legislators A group facing an out-of-step legislator [someone with different goals/priorities] may not be able to do much with the standard tools of lobbying and issue advocacy; interest groups are better at mobilizing their friends than converting their enemies, and elections seem to be more useful for replacing out-of-step legislators than changing their minds. The group's only option may be to try to replace the legislator with another candidate who shares its goals. Nicholas Carnes, White-Collar Government © 2019
Post-2018 Senate shituation 15 states (Alaska, Arkansas, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Wyoming) 2018 population: 40,056,961 Senators: 30 Republicans 1 Senator per 1,335,232 people 1 state (California) 2018 population: 39,776,830 Senators: 2 Democrats 1 Senator per 19,888,415 people 19,888,415 / 1,335,232 = 16, therefore: average 15er's vote is worth 16 times a Californian's, a Californian's vote is worth 6% of an average 15er's 1 state (Wyoming) 2018 population = 573,720, therefore: 1 Senator per 286,860 Wyomians, a Wyomian's vote is worth 69 times a Californian's, a Californian's vote is worth 1.4% of a Wyomian's © 2016
Presidency For presidents, the White House is a kind of prison with butlers. Rich Reilly, Commander in Cheat  © 2019
Punt returners say Where might this sea be located? Bartender Moe Szyslak, in The Simpsons  Mom and Pop Art episode, responding to a European customer who, when asked what life there is like, said, “To be honest, we're adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.” © 2019
- Selfie I am an extremely stable genius. Donald Trump © 2019
Selfie I like having friends, but I like having enemies more. Donald Trump © 2019
Selfie I only do 10s. Donald Trump © 2019
Snapshot Trump doesn't just cheat at golf. He cheats like a three-card Monte dealer. He throws it, boots it, and moves it. He lies about his lies. He fudges and foozles and fluffs. At Winged Foot where Trump is a member, the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway they came up with a nickname for him: “Pele.” Donald Trump portrayed by Rick Reilly © 2019
Snapshot Trump's nose has grown so long he could putt with it. Donald Trump portrayed by Rick Reilly © 2019
Surely you jest I am confident that the Attorney General will work with the IC [intelligence community] in accordance with the long-established standards to protect highly-sensitive classified information that, if publicly released, would put our national security at risk. Dan Coats, Director of National Intelligence, commenting on Trump's direction to Attorney General William Barr to declassify and divulge anything related to the origins of the Russia probe that might suggest it was an attempted coup to overthrow a duly elected president © 2019
Tech bros say What customers do with the data is up to them --> © 2019
Truth We don't have a policy that stipulates that the information you post on Facebook must be true. Facebook, defending its decision to not take down a video created by Trumpists that depicts Nancy Pelosi as drunk and that its fact checkers labeled as “false” © 2019