Recent kwiples

Monday 15th of July 2019 Available without prescription™ © 2015
1%ers say The only way I can see to deploy this much financial resource is by converting my Amazon winnings into space travel. Jeff Bezos, when asked what he intended to do with his personal fortune of $118 billion © 2015
2020 Presidential election Some readers will wonder how we could possibly eliminate a candidate so far before an election, and before knowing the identity of his opponent. Because there's no point pretending we would ever recommend that readers vote for Trump. The Orlando Sentinel, June 18, 2019, the day of Trump's official 2020 reelection campaign kickoff rally in Orlando, FLorida © 2019
2020 Presidential primaries Every Democrat wants to be president. No one wants to be elected senator or governor. Those who have been still appear to want to be in the White House. Democrats are far more obsessed than Republicans by who captures the presidency than by who runs the rest of America. Edward Luce, Financial Times, june 27, 2019, on what he calls the Democrats' “West Wind syndrome” © 2019
2020 Presidential primaries Hey, guys, you know what? America does not want to witness a food fight. They want to know how we're going to put food on their tables. Kamala Harris, 1st 2019 Democratic presidential debate © 2019
2020 Presidential primaries Mr McConnell has the skills to stop a Japanese bullet train. Against him, no Democratic president would have much chance of pushing through the healthcare bills, green new deals, progressive judges or other pledges on which the candidates were trying to outbid each other. Edward Luce, Financial Times, June 27, 2019, on what he calls the Democrats' “Mitch McConnell problem” © 2019
Assholes Every asshole succeeds until finally they don't.  John Oliver, taling about Trump and impeachment © 2019
Bad news G20 plays down commitment to climate change action Japan bows to US pressure and drops phrases used in previous communiqués headline, Financial Times, June 25, 2019 © 2017
The Bible Have we forgotten that all of us live in a world based on biblical values? Vladimir Putin © 2019
Homelessness My father and I were walking down Fifth Avenue and there was a homeless person sitting right outside Trump Tower. I remember my father pointing to me and saying, “You know that guy has $8 billion more than me,” because he was in such extreme debt at that point, you know? Ivanka Trump © 2019
Ideas Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. John Kenneth Galbraith © 2019
Kwiplers say Count votes in Congress by: 1. Calculating a Member's Proportional Vote (MPV) for each member, as follows: MPV = SPNP / NLRS where: SPNP = State's Percentage of the National Population NLRS = Number of Legislators Representing the State (in that legislature) 2. Totaling “yes” MPVs and “no” MPVs 3. Passing if total MPV is more than 50 OTHERWISE Abolish the Senate © 2019
Kwiplers say Enhance America's infrastructure (1) without privatizing it (2) without giving tax breaks and windfall profits to private investors (3) without issuing government bonds, which increases government debt and income inequality resulting from paying interest to bondholders by (1) contracting to build or improve assets of long-lasting public value, like roads, schools, parks, housing (2) printing money and paying for work as it's done © 2017
Liberalism The liberal idea has become obsolete. It has come into conflict with the interests of the overwhelming majority of the population. Vladimir Putin © 2019
Making money the new-fashioned way Selling remote-controlled vibrating panties © 2019
Obituary notice  He passed away May 3, 2017, at his home in Altoona, IA. We told him the process to impeach Trump had begun – so that he could rest in peace. from the obituary for Corliss D. Gilchrist, The Des Moines Register, May 7, 2017 © 2019
Post-2018 Senate shituation 15 states (Alaska, Arkansas, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nebraska, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, Wyoming) 2018 population: 40,056,961 Senators: 30 Republicans 1 Senator per 1,335,232 people 1 state (California) 2018 population: 39,776,830 Senators: 2 Democrats 1 Senator per 19,888,415 people 19,888,415 / 1,335,232 = 16, therefore: average 15er's vote is worth 16 times a Californian's, a Californian's vote is worth 6% of an average 15er's 1 state (Wyoming) 2018 population = 573,720, therefore: 1 Senator per 286,860 Wyomians, a Wyomian's vote is worth 69 times a Californian's, a Californian's vote is worth 1.4% of a Wyomian's © 2016
Selfie What took me from the kitchen to Congress was knowing that one in five children in America lives in poverty. I just can't stand that. Nancy Pelosi, who first ran for Congress at the age of 47 © 2019
Selfie I'm the guy that gets away with it. Donald Trump © 2019
Sexual harassment If one person in your life accused you of pooping in their kitchen sink, I could be persuaded to believe that that is a lie. But, if over the course of 73 years of your life, 22 separate people came forward with detailed accounts of times you pooped in their kitchen sinks, I'm gonna start thinking you're a sink pooper. There's no difference here. Stephen Colbert, commenting on the 22nd accusation of sexual assault against Donald Trump © 2019
Snapshot He's 37. He looks 27. He's the only veteran who came back from Afghanistan looking refreshed. When he campaigns door-to-door, nobody answers because they'e afraid he's a Mormon. Pete Buttigieg portrayed by Bill Maher June 21, 2019 © 2019
Snapshot Who would say that? My virgin justice. The man has no pride! Virgin-man will sell me out. Brett Kavanaugh portrayed by Donald Trump, commenting on Kavanaugh defending himself against charges of sexual harassment by claiming to have been a virgin in high school and for years afterwards  © 2019
Snapshot  He doesn't even care who he pisses off. He just sends out a tweet so that he controls the news cycle. Sometimes, guys? You ignore him. Donald Trump portrayed by Amy Klobuchar, talking to reporters © 2019
Snapshot There's no corner of the world or cranny of existence that isn't enhanced by her presence. That was the joke in a Zelig-inspired, Gump-reminiscent meme that exploded in tweets over the past few days. Look: There's Ivanka between Ulysses S. Grant and Robert E. Lee at Appomattox. And here's Ivanka teaming with Jonas Salk to develop the polio vaccine. She stretches out in bed with John Lennon and Yoko Ono. She peeks through a window in the background of the painting “American Gothic.” Ivanka Trump portrayed by Frank Bruni, July 2, 2019 © 2019
Snapshot They're shamelessness made flesh. Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner portrayed by Frank Bruni © 2019
State of the union In ordinary times, when a public figure is caught in a lie or simply reveals blatant ignorance of the truth, his standing is diminished. But these are not ordinary times. Stephen Greenblatt, Tyrant: Shakespeare on Politics © 2019
Trumpists say Blah, blah, blah. If you're trying to silence me through the Hatch Act, it's not going to work. Let me know when the jail sentence starts. Kellyanne Conway, giving the finger to the Trump-appointed Office of Special Counsel, who recommended that she be removed from office for repeatedly violating the Hatch Act  © 2019
Trumpists say He's denied it, and that's all I needed to hear. Lindsey Graham, reacting to E. Jean Carroll's rape allegation © 2019