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Saturday 7th of December 2024
Kwiple dictionary
accountability (ə koun'tə bil'i tē),
n.
What the rich and powerful
expect from inferiors,
along with respect.
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ad blocking (ad blok'ing),
n.
A digital extortion scheme in
which a developer creates
software that allows users to
prevent ads from appearing on
pages they view, which steals
customers from advertisers, while
also creating an ad marketing
service that places ads on pages
using ad blockers in exhange for
payments from advertisers for
returning their customers, which
gives the middle finger to users
who tried preventing ads from
appearing
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banking (bangk'ing),
n.
Synonym for
gambling.
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barr (bär),
v.,
barred, barring
To pander to presidential power.
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basket of deplorables (bas'kit ov
di plôr'ə bəls),
n.
Collective name for Trump's major
supporters and allies, including:
Roger Ailes,
sexual predator;
Steve
Bannon,
platform provider for white
supremacists and conspiracy theorists;
Chris Christie,
Republican jetsam;
Ann Coulter,
self-described “mean-
spirited bigot”;
Rudy Giuliani,
9/11's
prime beneficiary;
Sean Hannity,
Fox News dumbass;
Paul Manafort,
adviser to dictators;
Roger Stone,
self-described “dirty trickster”;
Donald Turmp, Jr. and Eric Trump,
America's Uday and Qusay
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basket of deplorables (bas'kit ov
di plôr'ə bəls),
n.
Collective name for Trump's major
supporters and allies, including:
Julian Assange,
fugitive hacker and
Russian courier;
David Duke,
white
nationalist and anti-Semite;
Newt
Gingrich,
serial adulterer;
Jared
Kushner,
son-in-law admitted to
Harvard after father's $2.5 million gift,
to NYU Law School after his $3 million
gift;
Vladimir Putin,
Trump's hardest
working volunteer;
Jeff Sessions,
racist and xenophobe;
Paul Singer,
vulture capitalist who's made billions
off asbestos, cholera and the poor
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basket of deplorables (bas'kit ov
di plôr'ə bəls),
n.
Collective name for Trump's major
supporters and allies, including:
Michael G. Flynn,
propagator of the
Pizzagate conspiracy theory;
Michael
T. Flynn,
pizzagater's father and
inventor of “Flynn facts;”
Scott
Pruitt,
climate denier;
Kellyanne
Conway,
Minister of Propaganda and
inventor of “alternative facts;”
Rex
Tillerson,
Putin's friend;
Tom Price,
advocate for doctors' welfare;
Ben
Carson,
stabbing expert and Jesus's
buddy;
Ryan Zinke,
the “[Briefly
Acting] American Commander”
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basket of deplorables (bas'kit ov
di plôr'ə bəls),
n.
Collective name for Trump's major
supporters and allies, including:
Sarah Palin,
funny, ha ha, not funny;
Katrina Pierson,
Tea Party shoplifter;
Ken Blackwell,
homophobe and pay-
for-play politician;
Monica Crowley,
plagiarist;
Myron Ebell,
scientific
illiterate and climate denier;
Rick
Perry,
duh obvious choice for Energy
secretary;
Joseph Arpaio,
birther,
racist sheriff and immigrant hunter ;
Frank Gaffney,
conspiracy theorist
and Joseph McCarthy wannabe;
Linda
McMahon,
as real as wrestling
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basket of deplorables (bas'kit ov
di plôr'ə bəls),
n.
Collective name for Trump's major
supporters and allies, including:
Mike Pence,
wannabe burier of
aborted fetuses;
Betsy DeVos,
billionaire shifter of public funds to
private and Christian schools;
Andy
Puzder,
every robot's BFF;
Vincent
Viola,
billionaire flash boy;
Wilbur
Ross,
billionaire “King of Bankruptcy”;
Steven Mnuchin,
who “forgot” to
disclose $100 million in assets and
directorship of an investment fund in
a tax haven;
Richard B. Spencer,
theorist of white supremacy
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bleeding hearts (blēd'ing härts),
n.
What those who don't care about
others call those who do.
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chickenhawk (chik'ən hôk'),
n.
A person, usually Republican,
who clamors for war but never
volunteered or served on active
duty in any war for which s/he
was eligible for service. Also
called a
freeloader
or
sponger.
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children (chil'drən),
n.
The fliers that coach seats
on airplanes were designed
to hold comfortably.
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Congress (kong'gris),
n.
Playing field and farm team
for lobbyists.
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cost cutting (kôst kut'ing),
n.
Euphemism for
firing people.
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creationism (krē ā'shən iz'əm),
n.
As Margaret Mead said, “The
belief that Rome
was
built
in a day.”
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deregulation (dē reg'yə lā'shən),
n.
The process, performed under
the guise of ending regulations,
of replacing ones fostering public
interests with ones fostering
private interests.
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dynamic scoring (dī nam'ik scôr'
ring),
n.
The process used to find the
assumptions needed to “prove”
that lowering taxes on the rich,
lowering spending on the non-
rich, and increasing spending
on the military will benefit
more people more than any
other possible set of policies.
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e-commerce (ē'kom'ərs),
n.
Killer of jobs, killer of sales tax
revenues, killer of local services,
killer of local communities,
incubator of inequality.
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entrepreneur (än'trə prə nûr’),
n.
What owners of software
platforms for service industries
call workers who depend on the
platform to get work, who use
their own assets, and who
assume all work-related risks.
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evangelical (ē' van jel'i kəl),
n.
Synonym for
hypocrite.
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experience (ik spēr'ē əns),
n.
Anything product designers
impose upon you.
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fake news (fāk no̅o̅z),
n.
To Trump supporters and
conservatives, news accounts
that cast doubts on them,
their claims or their agenda;
to others, phony news accounts
meant to be spread virally
via social media
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First Amendment (fûrst ə mend'
ment),
n.
According to Supreme Court
decisions since the mid-1970s,
it's the Constitutional provision
that guarantees corporations
and non-profits the right to
spend unlimited amounts to
buy elections, legislatures
and courts, and ordinary
people the right to burn
flags in protest, except
on its grounds.
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flexible labor (flek'sə bəl lā'bər),
n.
Disposible workers. Human Pez.
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free markets (frē mär'kitz),
verbal
phrase.
Once a qualified noun (like
free
beer), now a verbal phrase
(like
Free Willy
) meaning to
understaff and underfund
regulatory agencies and to
castrate and eviscerate the
remains while fulminating
about their size and power.
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gig economy (gig i kon'ə mē),
n.
An economy in which apps
are pimps.
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hip (hip),
adj.
Fashion or behavior popular in
Bushwick or Williamsburg,
Brooklyn, such as skinny jeans
or craft beer, five years before
becoming mainstream.
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the Honorable (thə on'ər ə bəl)
adjectival phrase.
A gender-neutral adjectival
phrase traditionally placed before
the name of a current or past
holder of a high office. When in
used before Donald Trump's
name or the name of one of his
kiss-asses, such as Paul Ryan,
Mitch McConnell, Devin Nunes,
Mike Pence or Betsy DeVos,
the usage is
ipso facto
ironic.
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luxury apartment (luk'zha rē
ə pärt'mənt),
n.
An apartment with hot running
water and toilets en suite.
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mandatory arbitration (man'də tôr'ē
är'bi trā'shən),
n.
A process a company uses to cut
its costs by forcing people to
give up their right to sue it –
especially in a class action suit –
in exchange for giving it the
right repossess or foreclose on
their property, and to collect
financial damages from them
based on the decision made by
an arbitrator it selected and paid
and whose decision can only be
appealed at prohibitive time
and cost.
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mergers and acquisitions (mûr'jərs
and ak'wə zish'əns),
n.
The branch of finance based on
the notion that life's better when
1 job + 1 job = 1.2 jobs.
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Middle East (mid'l ēst),
n.
Where spillovers come from.
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modern day presidential (mod'ərn
dā prez'i den'shəl)
adjectival phrase.
Synonoym for
certifiable
or
insane,
as in “His behavior is
modern day presidential.”
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multinational corporation (mul'tē
nash'ə nl kôr'pə rā'shən),
n.
A corporation far surpassing pre-
revolutionary French aristocrats
in its global reach, ownership of
the Earth's resources, accumula-
tion of wealth, desire for tax
avoidance and lack of a sense
of obligation or loyalty to its
workers and others, but has yet
to face its 1789.
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news (no̅o̅z),
n.
Information that reinforces or
reaffirms previously held beliefs.
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not now (not nou),
adverbial
phrase.
According to leaders of the NRA,
it's the only time to talk about
gun control.
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the office (thə ô'fis),
n.
A place where you must take
stupid stuff seriously
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patent troll (pat'nt trōl),
n.
Synonym for
extortiuonist.
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Pax Americana (paks' ə mer'i
kan'ə),
n.
Widely believed to be Latin for
“We pay, they get a free ride”
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pharmaceutical (fär'mə so̅o̅'ti kəl),
adj.
Synonym for
price-gouging,
as
in, “Gilead Sciences, Horizon
Pharma, Rodelis Therapeutics,
Turing Laboratories and Valeant
Pharmaceuticals International
are pharmaceutical companies.”
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plutocrat (plū'tə krat'),
n.
A person who spends millions or
billions furthering his interests
by creating “grass roots” front
organizations to do his bidding
in courts of law and the court of
public opinion, often by inciting
outrage against alleged “elites.”
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pregnancy (preg'nən sē),
n.
The Number 1 killer of women's
careers. Called
off-the-job injury
by lawyers for UPS.
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regulatory capture (reg'ya lə tōr'ē
kap'chər),
n.
The situation that results from
letting a corporate fox guard
a government henhouse.
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Republican Party (ri pub'li kən
pär'tē),
n.
The native habitat of the
common American
fat-lipped toady.
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reshoring (ri shôr'ing),
n.
Replacing low-paid workers
overseas with cheaper robots
here.
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right to work law (rīt tōō wûrk lō),
n.
A law intended to kill unions by
guaranteeing those who don't
join all the rights and benefits
unions win for their members,
without having to pay union
dues. Popular with Republicans
and free riders, a large subset
of the morally handicapped.
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rudy (ro̅o̅'dē),
v.,
rudied, rudying
To attempt to remain relevant by
kissing ass in public.
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self-employed (self em ploid'),
adj.
How 50- and 60-year-olds
describe themselves after
exhausting unemployment
insurance. Also called
freelancing.
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sharing economy (shâr'ing i kon'ə
mē),
n.
Synonym for
anxiety
and
insecurity
; antonym of
shared prosperity.
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significant other (sig nif'i kənt
uth'ər),
n.
Less and less, one's spouse or
lover; more and more, one's
avatar.
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sinema (sin' ə mə),
n.
A self-centered, self-aggrandizing
dumbass advised by yokels
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social media (sō'shəl mē'dē ə),
n.
The
place for dick pics and
nude selfies of adolsecents
and others seeking “likes”
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standing still (stan'ding stil),
participial phrase.
Synonym for
running harder
and harder.
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sweinstein (swīn'stēn),
v.
To ejaculate into a potted plant
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targeted advertising (tar' gi tid
ad'vər tīz ing),
n.
The use of surveillance software
that enters users' computers
without their knowledge, circum-
vents or disables their security
software, renders their devices
and online accounts susceptible
to hacking, and destroys their
privacy, all in order to send
them online ads, many of
which do the same.
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tax avoidance (taks ə void'ance),
n.
The most common and lucrative
endeavor avidly pursued by the
morally handicapped at the
expense of the honest and
honorable.
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tort reform (tôrt ri fôrm'),
n.
A corporate-sponsored movement
to achieve (1) legal immunity for
damages or injuries resulting
from using their products, and
(2) legal immunity from being
sued or having to provide victims
with financial compensation. A
post-tort-reform example: Your
baby becomes mentally retarded
from eating peeling paint. Tough
shit. Learn to be a better parent.
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trickle down (trik'əl doun),
phrasal
verb of
trickle
Euphemism for
shit rolls down-
hill.
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trigger trash (trig'ər trash),
n.
(1) What gun lovers call the beer
cans, car parts, sofas and other
stuff they deposit in forests and
on public lands for target practice
(2) What others call the gun
lovers
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values (val'yo̅o̅z),
n.
The buttons to push to get
people to vote against their
economic interests and – if the
system works as intended –
unwittingly for their enemies'
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vulture capitalist (vul'chə kap'i tl
ist),
n.
A financial terrorist specializing
in raping impoverished or
bankrupt debtors, thereby
proving he is — not has — the
biggest dick on Wall Street.
Ironically called a
holdout.
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yanezthetize (yə nez thə tīz),
v.
To authorize a white dressed
in blue to kill a black.
Memorializes Jeronimo Yanez, the
St. Anthony, Minnesota, cop who
panicked during a traffic stop,
was live-streamed on Facebook
from inside Philando Castile's car
and caught on a police dashcam
video as he shot Castile seven
times, claimed he felt threatened
when Castile followed his orders,
lied about what he saw in court,
and was acquitted of all charges.
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