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Friday 19th of April 2024

Agricultural Revolution The first religious effect of the Agricultural Revolution was to turn plants and animals from equal members of a spiritual round table into property. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens © 2016 Kwiple.com
Animal lovers say If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat? Sarah Palin, carnivore © 2015 Kwiple.com
Animal lovers say There's an endless supply of poop bags. A physician's response to queries about the availability of towel services in exercise classes for dogs Wall Street Journal, November 9, 2015 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Animals Chimps were a particular obsession. In 1945, after Berlin Zoo had been destroyed by bombing, [Professor Bernhard] Grzimek took several into his flat, resulting in “numerous scars”. Financial Times, January 5, 2019 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Animals Honk if you're a goose Sign worn by a goose, in a November 22, 2010, New Yorker cartoon by Edward Koren © 2023 Kwiple.com
Animals It's relatively easy to agree that only Homo sapiens  can speak about things that don't really exist, and believe six impossible things before breakfast. You could never convince a monkey to give you a banana by promising him limitless bananas after death in monkey heaven. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens © 2016 Kwiple.com
Animals The real difference between humans and all other animals is not on the individual level. It's on the collective level. Humans control the planet because they are the only animals that can cooperate both flexibly and in very large numbers. Yuval Noah Harari © 2016 Kwiple.com
Animals To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. Aldous Huxley © 2023 Kwiple.com
Animals We want to believe, I want to believe, that there is something special about me, about my body, about my brain that makes me so superior to a dog, or a pig, or a chimpanzee. But the truth is, on the individual level, I'm embarrassingly similar to a chimpanzee, and if you take me and a chimpanzee and put us together on some lonely island and we had to struggle for survival to see who survives better, I would definitely place my bets on the chimpanzee, not on myself. This is not something wrong with me personally. Yuval Noah Harari © 2016 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Amount awarded to Michael Brown's family in their settlement against the city of Ferguson, Mo.: $1,500,000 To a Maryland family whose dog was killed by Anne Arundel County police: $1,260,000 Harper's Index, October 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Industry reports and scientific journals provide evidence that each year 139 million chickens don't even make it to slaughter. Their legs collapse under them and, unable to move or reach food and water, they die of thirst or they starve. Or they simply cannot cope with the conditions they are living in, and their hearts give out. Or they die from the stress of being rounded up, thrown into cages, and transported to the slaugher- houses. In one way or another, they suffer to death. Peter Singer, New York Rewview of Books, May 12, 2016 © 2016 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Minimum number of animal species that are not officially extinct but have not been observed for at least ten years: 857 For at least one hundred years: 104  Harper's Index, August 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Minimum number of shooting incidents in the United States in the past year in which the shooter was a dog: 2 In which the shooter was a toddler: 50 Harper's Index, January 2016 © 2016 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Value of the prizes revoked from the Irish owners of a greyhound racing champion that tested positive for cocaine: $35,000 Harper's Index, December 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Consiracy theorists say What do you think tap water is? It's a gay bomb baby. … I don't like them putting chemicals in the water. They turn the freaking frogs gay.  Alex Jones © 2018 Kwiple.com
Dead-in-the-heads say You people are so stupid that you've lost touch with reality. Somehow Donald Duck knows who Daisy Duck is. He doesn't mount Billy Duck or there would be no eggs and no ducks. Michael Savage, on gay rights advocates © 2015 Kwiple.com
Drugs Little Kitty doesn't hide anymore. In fact, she's more like her old self: sunbathing on the living room carpet, playing with Ms. Mastramico's other cat, Valentina. “When I've given it to her, she's never acted high, falling face-first into her food bowl, chowing down,” Ms. Mastramico said. “She comes out and socializes, wants to be petted. It's a very noticeable difference.” A cat owner who treats her cats with medical marijuana, quoted in New York Times, October 9, 2016 © 2016 Kwiple.com
Extinction The historical record makes Homo sapiens  look like an ecological serial killer. … Homo sapiens  drove to extinction about half of the planet's big beasts long before humans invented the wheel, writing or iron tools. … We have the dubious distinction of being the deadliest species in the annals of biology. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens © 2016 Kwiple.com
Farming How we treat farm animals today will be seen, I believe, as a defining moral failing of our age. Ezra Klein, New York Times, December 16, 2021 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Farming In 1872, the average American farmer fed roughly four other people; now the average farmer feeds about 155 other people. It's not just people and plants that have become more productive. In 1950, the average cow yielded 5,300 pounds of milk. In 2016, the average cow yielded 23,000 pounds of milk. A Wisconsin Holstein recently yielded nearly 75,000 pounds of milk in a year, which amounts to roughly 24 gallons a day. Her name is Gigi. You can thank her later. Michael Lewis, The Fifth Risk © 2019 Kwiple.com
Food SEALS TASTE LIKE CHICKEN  Slogan on T-shirt for shark tourists © 2019 Kwiple.com
Good news But the production of killer zombie mice is not on the agenda. Financial Times, January 13, 2017, in a report about potential uses of technology developed by Yale University researchers to turn on and off the neurons in mice brains that control hunting, subduing and killing prey and inanimate mobile plastic toys © 2017 Kwiple.com
Guns What? Do you think deer are wearing Kevlar vests? Joe Biden, on using military assault weapons to hunt © 2021 Kwiple.com
Heaven I am pretty sure that there is duck hunting in Heaven! Mike Huckabee © 2015 Kwiple.com
Kwiplers say Ban the use of neonicotinoid pesticides, a killer of bees, nature's pollinators © 2016 Kwiple.com
Kwiplers say Enquiring minds want to know: Is Trump Putin's poodle or Bannon's bitch? © 2017 Kwiple.com
Luck As lucky as a dog with two dicks. A “Boehnerism” from John Boehner © 2021 Kwiple.com
Males Do males with bigger testicles have deeper voices? The jury is still out on humans, but if you're a howler monkey, forget about it  A new study finds that the animals can make a lot of noise or a lot of sperm — but trying to do both just takes too much energy. The findings shed important new light on the kind of evolutionary tradeoffs animals must engage in to ensure the survival of their species. … In other words, species with deeper calls had smaller balls. Science, October 2, 2015 © 2024 Kwiple.com
Peace I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully. George W. Bush © 2022 Kwiple.com
Republicans say  Letting hunters kill hibernating bears is change we believe in © 2017 Kwiple.com
Resisters Turd Reich: San Francisco dog owners lay minefield of poo for rightwing rally — — — — — — — — — — — ‘I just had this image of alt-right people stomping around in the poop,’ says the organizer of an unusual protest ahead of Saturday's Patriot Prayer rally  headline, The Guardian, August 24, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was bitten by an octopus. Ted Cruz, answer to a question about what voters would be surprised to learn about him, which turns out to be that he incites even cephalopods © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a human. At least in the sense that both of my parents were human. This has certain consequences. I cannot, for instance, make children with a fox. I have come to terms with that. Charles Foster, who has lived as a badger, otter, red deer, swift and urban fox © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a cat named Cowboy who hasn't talked to me in two years, but we're cool. Courtney Love © 2023 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest An ISIS Twitter account featuring pictures of kittens © 2015 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest Have you ever eaten any other part of the animal? Marilyn Monroe, to Arthur Miller's parents, who fed her matzo ball soup © 2015 Kwiple.com
Washington, D.C. You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog. Harry S. Truman © 2023 Kwiple.com
 
Waste management The 23 million hogs in Iowa (about a third of the hogs in the US) along with Iowa's other livestock produce as much excrement every year as 168 million humans, or the “fecal equivalent” of the world's eleven biggest cities. Ian Frazier, New York Review of Books, February 9, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com