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Christmas

Wednesday 21st of January 2026

By the numbers Minimum number of times since September 2015 that Donald Trump has referrred to Christmas in speeches: 23 Number of those references that suggest the holiday was under attack: 19  Harper's Index, December 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Christmas Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day? You know, the birth of Santa.  Bart Simpson, in “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace” episode of The Simpsons © 2023 Kwiple.com
Christmas At the risk of being a Grinch, the Christmas season is a pretty good time to consider the possibility that sugar is killing us. Gary Taubes © 2016 Kwiple.com
Christmas The best stocking stuffer is a human leg. Norm Macdonald  © 2023 Kwiple.com
Christmas Christmas is the one time of year when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. Bart Simpson, in “Marge Be Not Proud” episode of The Simpsons © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Don't give me books for Christmas; I already have a book. Jean Harlow © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. Bernard Manning © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked me for my autograph. Shirley Temple © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas Chalkboard gag, “The Burns and the Bees” episode of The Simpsons © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Last Christmas I got no respect. In my stocking, I got an odor-eater. Rodney Dangerfield © 2023 Kwiple.com
Christmas The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Maybe Christmas, the grinch thought, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas … perhaps … means a little bit more! Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas! © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Merry Christmas! 🎄 ps. Santa, please bring ammo. 🎁 Thomas Massie and family, 1:22 PM – Dec 4, 2021, four days after the November 30 mass shooting at Oxford High School outside Detroit, MI, and ten days before the ninth anniversary of the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, CT © 2021 Kwiple.com
Christmas Nobody would come see Santa. Your mind starts going, why? Do I have something in my beard? You have to get yourself snapped out of that. Wall Street Journal, December 18, 2018, quoting a professional Santa Claus  describing what it's like working in a dying mall  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Christmas The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. Joan Rivers © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. Jay Leno © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas There ain't no Sanity Claus! Chico Marx, in A Night at the Opera, directed by Sam Wood  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Christmas Under the Trump administration, you'll be saying Merry Christmas  again when you go shopping. They've been downplaying that little beautiful phrase. You're going to be saying Merry Christmas again, folks. Donald Trump, at the 19th National Boy Scout Jamboree, July 25, 2017, five months before Christmas © 2017 Kwiple.com
 
Christmas What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller © 2015 Kwiple.com