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food
Monday 22nd of July 2024
Animal lovers say
If God had not intended
for us to eat animals, how come
He made them out of meat?
Sarah Palin, carnivore
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
Percentage by which
a marijuana user is likelier than others
to eat fast food five or more times
in a given week:
75
Harper's Index, January 2018
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
Value of food stamps used at
U.S. military commissaries last year:
$66,978,704
Chances a child in school
on a U.S. military base is eligible for
free or reduced-cost meals:
2 in 5
Harper's Index, July 2017
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Children
Ask your child
what he wants for dinner
only if he's buying.
Fran Lebowitz,
“Parental Guidance”
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Christmas
At the risk of being a Grinch,
the Christmas season
is a pretty good time to consider
the possibility that sugar is killing us.
Gary Taubes
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Cocks of the walk say
I can invite anyone for dinner,
and they will come!
Donald Trump
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Cocks of the walk say
Only nine people in the world have that!
Donald Trump,
on a card he carries proclaiming,
Bearer Eats Free
at Any McDonald's Worldwide
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Dead-in-the-heads say
I would find half
a billion dollars of that right
out of Planned Parenthood's budget.
And the rest of it could come out of
food stamps and the entitlements that
are being spread out for people that
haven't worked in three generations.
Steve King,
Northwest Missouri State University dropout,
chickenhawk who falsely claimed he's Latino,
says “I'd like to see an America that is just so
homogenous that we look a lot the same,”
and Republican Congressman from
Iowa's 4th congressional district,
explaining where to get an additional
$5 billion to build the border wall with Mexico
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Dead-in-the-heads say
Now we have Pelosi’s gazpacho police
spying on members of Congress,
spying on the legislative work that we do,
spying on our staff and spying on
American citizens that want to come
talk to their representatives.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, February 8, 2022,
conjuring up supposed soup Nazis while
defending Rep. Troy E. Nehls's (R-Tex.)
slanderous allegation that Capitol Police
were illegally investigating him when they
they followed standard security protocols
and entered his office when they saw
its door was wide open and no one was there;
photographed its condition at the time, and
reported the incident to him and his staff
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Diets
Once,
during Prohibition,
I was forced to live for days
on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Farming
From the 1960s to the '80s, about a third
of each dollar American shoppers spent
on groceries went back to farmers;
in 2016, according to the Farm Bureau,
that has fallen to less than
13 cents per dollar.
Given total US food spending of about
$1.7 trillion each year, that falling share
suggests that the changes in the food
system could be costing US farmers
at least $150 billion a year
– certainly many times the
$18 billion in federal farm subsidies
that were paid to them in 2018.
The Nation, February 18, 2020
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Food
At least you know
what they are putting in it.
Donald Trump,
explaining why he eats so much fast food
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
“Food doesn't grow here anymore,”
[Ana] Jorge Jorge said.
“That's why I would send my son north.”
Guatemalan woman whose two sons
died of malnutrition-related diseases,
commenting on her third son.
Quoted by Nicholas Kristof,
New York Times, June 5, 2019
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Food
Hey Johnny — am I nuts,
or does this have a hint of oak?
Wine drinker, holding up a glass
while sitting at a bar, to the bartender,
in a July 10, 2000, New Yorker cartoon
by Edward Koren
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Food
I eat whatever’s in front of me
— usually ribs —
and follow it with a martini.
Modern medicine ensures
I won’t die straight away.
It's a glorious time to be alive.
Gary Scheiyngart,
New York Times, August 27, 2023
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Food
I like chili, but not enough
to discuss it with someone from Texas.
Calvin Trillin
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Food
If you've ever eaten asparagus,
you may have noticed that,
soon after ingestion,
it imparts a strange, somewhat
unpleasant scent to your urine.
But then again, you may not have
noticed anything at all—and there's
a scientific explanation for that too.
Andy Brunning,
Why Does Asparagus Make Your Pee Smell?
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
In 1930 the average US family spent
24.3 per cent of its income on food.
By 2007 that number had fallen
to 9.8 per cent.
This is because
America’s food system,
like most of the world's,
became dramatically more concentrated,
industrialised and globalised
over that period.
Rana Foroohar,
Financial Times, December 11/12, 2021
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food
Its talent for overcoming its own missteps
was one reason I gave it four stars in its
last review in The New York Times,
in 2015. … With time, Mr. Humm
may stop overcompensating for
ditching the animal products, too.
Beets aren’t very good at pretending
to be meat, but their ability to
taste like beets is unrivaled.
Pete Wells,
New York Times, September 28, 2021,
review of Daniel Humm's restaurant,
One Madison Park, which replaced
animal products with vegetables
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food
Klobuchar got laughs with her
opening line inquiring how everyone had
enjoyed their salad, a sideways reference
to reports that she had once berated
an aide for not bringing her utensils
with which to eat her lunch, forcing her
to eat a salad with a hair comb.
The Minnesota Dem said she thought
the meal needed “a little scalp oil
and a pinch of dandruff.”
Washington Post, March 2, 2019,
reporting on the Gridiron dinner hosted
by Washington DC's top journalists
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Food
Most of the 390,000 plant species
on Earth rely almost entirely on them
[insects] for their reproduction.
This living dance has been performed
for 130m years and out of its interlacing
pattern emerge trees and crops essential
to the human diet.
Indeed, the “free” pollination service
offered by bees and flies to our primary
food stuffs has been valued as highly as
$577bn a year by the Intergovernmental
Science-Policy Platform on Biodiversity
and Ecosystem Services.
Financial Times, September 24, 2021
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food
No soup for you!
The Soup Nazi,
in the “The Soup Nazi” episode of
Seinfeld
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Food
Pile it high
and sell it cheap
Grocers' maxim
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food
Public health officials here describe
a crisis of poverty and malnutrition
among the tens of thousands of
farmworkers and their families
who tend to the fields of lettuce,
broccoli, celery, cauliflower and
spinach, among many other crops,
in an area called the salad bowl
of the nation.
New York Times, November 24, 2016,
on conditions in California's Salinas Valley,
where farmworkers and their families subsist
on a diet of soda and fast food because
they can't afford the food they pick
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
The report [by the
EAT-Lancet Commission on Healthy
Diets From Sustainable Food Systems]
suggested that a sustainable diet would
include no more than 98g of red meat,
203g of poultry and 196g of fish per week.
For someone on a low income in Asia or
Africa, this would mean a lot more meat
than before, but for the average person
in the US it would mean a drop of
about 85 per cent. Clearly, this is
not good news for the meat industry.
Bee Wilson,
Financial Times, February 16, 2022
[98g = 3.46oz, 203g = 7.16oz, 196g = 6.91oz]
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Food
Satisfy your craving
for zero human contact.
—
—
—
—
—
Nothing ruins a good meal
like other New Yorkers.
Slogans for Seamless, a food delivery service
promoting and profiting from social isolation
in hip neighborhoods like Williamsburg
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
SEALS
TASTE LIKE
CHICKEN
Slogan on T-shirt for shark tourists
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Food
Shake and shake
The catsup bottle,
None will come,
And then a lot'll.
Richard Armour
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
Since the 1950s,
broiler chickens have roughly quadrupled
in size, and it now takes them six weeks,
not 15, to grow to slaughter weight.
These are inventions,
not just chickens.
Ezra Klein,
New York Times, December 16, 2021
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food
Skittles are candy;
refugees are people.
It's an inappropriate analogy.
We respectfully refrain from
further comment, as that may be
misinterpreted as marketing.
Mars, Incorporated, maker of Skittles,
protesting Donald Trump, Jr.'s comparison of
a bowl of poisoned Skittles to Syrian refugees
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
Stop cooking
Eat like astronauts!
Tagline for Space Nutrients Station,
the maker of 100%Food, which is
670 calories of bottled foodstuffs
slurped by programmers
after adding water
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
Tell me what you eat:
I will tell you what you are.
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Food
This summer, Wendy's,
where I often buy lunch,
has introduced the verb
biggiesize
, as in
“Would you to biggiesize that combo?”
meaning double the fries and pop,
and something like biggiesizing
seems to have happened to the
female guest population.
Barbara Ehrenreich,
Nickel and Dimed
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
Those confronting
potentially life-threatening
levels of so-called food insecurity
in the developing world
are expected to nearly double this year
to 265 million, according to the
United Nations World Food Program.
New York Times, September 13, 2020
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Food
Tic Tac respects all women.
We find the recent
statements and behaviour
completely inappropriate
and unacceptable.
Tic Tac USA tweet
denouncing Donald Trump's comment that
“I've got to use some Tic Tacs,
just in case I start kissing her”
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Food
The waiters know well
Trump's personal preferences.
As he settles down, they bring him
a Diet Coke, while the rest of us are
served water, with the Vice President
sitting at one end of the table.
With the salad course, Trump is served
what appears to be Thousand Island
dressing instead of the creamy
vinaigrette for his guests.
At the dessert course, he gets two
scoops of vanilla ice cream with his
chocolate cream pie, instead of the
single scoop for everyone else.
Time magazine, “Donald Trump After Hours”
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Food
THE PRODUCT
WATER NEEDED
TO PRODUCE IT
an almond
a walnut
a head of lettuce
a cluster of grapes
an egg
a pound of chicken
a gallon of milk
a pound of beef
1 gallon
5 gallons
12 gallons
24 gallons
53 gallons
468 gallons
880 gallons
1,800 gallons
based on data created by
Pacific Institute and National Geographic
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Food
We must stop feeding food crops
to animals and engines.
Sayed Azam-Ali,
Financial Times, July 18, 2022
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Food
What are you feeding him?
Potica?
Pope Francis to Melania Trump,
pointing to Donald Trump
[potica is a traditional Slovenian pastry]
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Food
When the people shall have
nothing more to eat,
they will eat the rich.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Food
Why are you scared that
the greatest hot dog sucker in the history
of hot dog sucking down
might do better than your people
because he’s a vegan hot dog guy?
Let the guy suck down dogs!
Pat McAfee,
on prohibiting Joey Chestnut, 16-time winner
of the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
overseen by Major League Eating (MLE),
from participating in this year's contest
because he signed a sponsorship deal
with Impossible Foods, makers of
vegan substitutes for meat
© 2024 Kwiple.com
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Food aid
The US, the world’s largest provider
of food aid, requires it to be in the form
of American-grown food, rather than cash.
And at least half of it must be sent
on American-owned ships. As a result, a
recently approved food aid bill for African
nations will see the US spend $388mm
to transport $282mn in food products.
Economists and food assistance experts
say the world should focus on sending cash
and expertise, rather than just food stocks.
It is much less expensive and much more
efficient to help farmers produce locally,
adapting crops to their climate
and soil conditions.
Megan Greene, Financial Times, May 16, 2022
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Food fight
McDonald's leader Ronald
just stated he has a
“burger on his desk at all times.”
Will someone from his big shoed,
red nosed regime inform him that
I too have a burger on my desk,
but mine is a box meal which is
bigger and more powerful than his,
and mine has gravy! #nuclearbutton
@KFC_UKI {KFC UK & Ireland]
7:05 AM - Jan 3, 2018
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Food for thought
Most people need their heads
to be filled with thoughts.
You are not going to feed people with
some highly intellectual discourse.
Most people eat simple foods.
Not the kind of food we are having tonight.
Generally most people consume
very simple-meaning beliefs.
This is normal.
There is haute cuisine,
and there is McDonald's.
Everyone takes advantage of such people
all over the world.
Vladislav Surkov,
during an interview with Henry Foy,
Financial Times, June 18, 2021
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Food waste
In the United Kingdom,
the amount of bread wasted totals
1 million loaves, or 24 million slices,
every day, according to the
Office of National Statistics.
Food waste in the United States
is put at 30 to 40 percent of the
total food supply, according to
the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
New York Times, August 25, 2021
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Kwiplers say
Enforce standard-of-identity rules like
—
You can't call it “juice”
if it's less than 100% juice
—
You can't call it “mayo”
if it contains no egg yolk
—
You can't call it “milk”
if it contains no milk
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Implement a national standard
for labeling all food containing
genetically-modified ingredients
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Outlaw
confined animal feeding operations
(CAFOs) and gestation crates,
both concentration camps
for animals
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Prohibit agribusinesses
from using fracking wastewater
to irrigate crops
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Require warning labels on all produce
irrigated with fracking wastewater
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Makin' bacon
Mmm … machine-gun bacon.
Ha ha ha.
Ted Cruz,
relishing bacon cooked Texas-style
by wrapping it around
the barrel of an assault rifle
and shooting until it reaches doneness
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Making money
the new-fashioned way
Being a meal deliveryman
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Making money
the new-fashioned way
Food fraud
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Making money
the new-fashioned way
Owning a ghost kitchen
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Mob violence
If you see someone
getting ready to throw a tomato,
knock the crap out of them.
I promise you
I will pay for the legal fees.
Donald Trump,
February 1, 2016, Cedar Rapids, IA
and elsewhere
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Punt returners say
I'm going to hope … eating it?
Stephen Colbert
responding to reports in
Fire and Fury,
by Michael Wolff,
that Donald and Melania Trump have
separate bedrooms and that “If he was not
having his 6:30 dinner with Steve Bannon,
then … he was in bed by that time
with a cheeseburger"
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Punt returners say
That's all right,
I don't eat colored people.
Bring me a whole fried chicken.
Dick Gregory,
responding to a white waitress who told him,
“We don't serve colored people here”
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Republicans say
Denying food stamps to anyone
capable of doing any kind of work,
regardless of whether it's available,
what it pays, or what it costs
them or their families
is change we believe in
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Republicans say
Slashing funding for food stamps
is change we believe in
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Resisters say
Public trust
24%
27%
Trump
Gas Station
Sushi
Placard,
Washington, DC, Women's March 2019,
January 19, 2019
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Resisters say
You've ruined
Diet Coke
for us all!
Placard,
Washington, DC, Women's March,
January 20, 2018
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Selfie
I will credit my father, he invented
… green eggs and ham.
He did it two ways.
The easy way was he would
put green food coloring in …
But if you take spinach and mix it
into the eggs, the eggs turn green …
I do not like green eggs and ham.
I do not like them, Sam I am.
Ted Cruz
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
I can't remember
the last time I was drunk.
Rudy Giuliani
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I.
Boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer.
I liked beer. Still like beer.
We drank beer.
The drinking age, as I noted was 18,
so the seniors were legal.
Senior year in high school,
people were legal to drink.
Yeah, we drank beer.
And I said, sometimes we probably
had too many beers and sometimes
other people had too many beers.
We drank beer. We liked beer.
Brett Kavanaugh, when asked,
“Did you consume alcohol during
your high school years?”
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
I like our ads.
I like beautiful women
eating burgers in bikinis.
I think it's very American.
Andrew F. Puzder,
chief executive of CKE Restaurants,
the parent chain of Hardee's and Carl's Jr.,
and Trump's choice for Secretary of Labor
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
What I love
just about more than anything
are waffles when they're done properly
with butter and syrup.
There's nothing better
than properly done waffles
with butter and syrup all over them.
Donald Trump
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Sexual harassment
If you want to make the money,
you'll learn to laugh.
A West Virginia waitress
dependent on tips to make a living,
quoted in New York Times, March 12, 2018
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Sleepers at the wheel say
Ballpark food tastes best
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Sleepers at the wheel say
Finish what's on your plate
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Snapshot
Valium for breakfast,
marijuna for lunch,
and quaaludes for dinner.
Jordan Belfort,
the real Wolf of Wall Street,
portrayed by an unnamed associate quoted
by The Guardian, September 30, 2017
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
The Billy Graham rule
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
The Billy Graham rule
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
Giving a gift of thyme
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
Milk Drinkers Are Turning to Powder
citation
newspaper headline
quoted by David Boersema
Philosophy Now, Dec. 2015/Jan. 2016
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
Pizza crust
made with 28 pigs in a blanket
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
Pizza with cheddar cheese sauce
on a soft pretzel dough crust
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
A wealthy older couple from New York
buy a ranch in Montana, where they
set up a home befitting them,
including a butler and other staff.
Before leaving for the morning,
they tell the butler, “The Cohens
are coming for brunch at noon.
Please have the table set for four.”
When they return, they notice
the table had been set for eight.
“What happened?,” they ask.
“Mrs. Cohen called,” said the butler.
“She said she's bringing the
Bagels and the Bialys.”
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
United Airlines Put Out a Cookbook
so You Can Eat Airplane Food at Home
headline,
Travel+Leisure magazine, December 29, 2018
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Surely you jest
We remember
those suffering under the
yolk of authoritarianism and extremism
From President Trump's proclamation
declaring December 10, 2017, as
Human Rights Day
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
Fuck Bud Light!
Fuck Anheuser-Busch!
Have a nice day.
Kid Rock,
in an ejaculatory burst
of transphobic machismo rhetoric,
after shooting off a high-capacity magazine's
load of bullets at packs of Bud Light beer,
made by the Anheuser-Busch company,
in reponse to its advertisement
in which the transgender woman,
Dylan Mulvaney, is the spokesperson
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
I'm not going to
go open a court case saying this:
[Hillary] Clinton eats children.
But I can believe that
she might eat children.
Doug Sweet, of Hudgins, Virginia,
one of the mob of Trump supporters
arrested for invading the Capitol
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
I’ve been proud to be the leader
standing up for chocolate milk.
Elise Stefanik
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Truth
Nobody with a terminal illness
goes from the United States to Europe
for a piece of Bavarian cream pie
and then when they get there
and they don't have it he says,
“Ah, I'll just have some coffee.”
There's no truth to that.
Jerry,
in the “The Soup Nazi” episode of
Seinfeld
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Wealth inequality
Since the beginning of the pandemic,
the total net worth of America's
billionaires, all 686 of them,
has jumped close to a trillion dollars.
In September, nearly 23 million Americans
reported going without enough to eat,
according to the Center on
Budget and Policy Priorities.
Ben Ehrenreich,
New York Times Magazine, Novenber 8, 2020
[That's close to $1,457,725,948 per billionaire]
[~ $1,000,000,000,000 / 23,000,000 =
~ $43,478 per food insecure person]
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Wretched excess
Cheeseburgers garnished with
a hot dog and potato chips
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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