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punt returners

Thursday 2nd of October 2025

Punt returner With only a photo and no words, [Mika] Brzezinski shared a photo of a Cheerios box that featured a child reaching for a piece of cereal. The box included the phrase, “Made for small hands.” Washington Examiner, June 29, 2017, on “Morning Joe” host Mika Brzezinski's tweet responding to Trump's that insulted her intelligence and appearance, thereby ended the game with her winning 1-0 and him being relegated to the minors  © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Ah, I think I can set him up with somebody. Donald Trump, responding to a staffer who told him that Prime Minister Narendra Modi and his wife would not be joining him on his trip to India because Modi and his wife were separated © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say And why do you think that is? Reputedly the typical response of rabbis accused of answering every question with a question  © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Be advised. I am where I am and you are where you are. Where I am, I see goddamned trucks. A Marine lieutenant near the Laotian border, responding to his batallion commander, who, although more than 20 kilometers away, had radioed back to the lieutenant that it was impossible for enemy trucks to be anywhere near the position from which the lieutenant had reported sighting them Quoted by Karl Marlantes, Wall Street Journal, June 3-4, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Because she's too ugly to kiss goodbye. Bum Phillips responding to Bob Costas, who asked him why he took his wife on all his team's road trips © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Bring It On is a movie about high school cheerleaders 9:24 PM - Nov 15, 2017 Chris Hansen, executive director of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, responding to Roy Moore, who had tweeted, Dear Mitch McConnell, Bring. It. On. 5:52 PM - 15 Nov 2017 after McConnell, the Republican Senate Majority Leader, called for Moore to drop out of the Alabama Senate race because nine women, eight of whom were underage at the time, accused him of sexual harassment © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say But not on all four. Winston Churchill, responding to his private secretary, who said, in 1918, that he was so grateful for America's contributions to winning WWI that he would kiss Uncle Sam “on both cheeks” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say By the way, “corrupt intent” is also what you call it when Trump goes camping. Stephen Colbert responding to Senator Ted Cruz's claim that “a quid pro quo is not illegal unless there is ‘corrupt intent’” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Can't a man pollute America's air and waterways in peace? Bess Levin responding to Scott Pruitt, pro-polluter and chief despoiler of the EPA, who said a “toxic environment politically” justifies him flying business or first class or charter planes at taxpayer's expense – even when flying home to Tulsa – as if only people flying coach think he's a dick © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Chop me down before I kill again Sign posted on a tree by students at Claremont College in response to Ronald Reagan's claim that “Eighty percent of air pollution comes not from chimneys and auto exhaust pipes, but from plants and trees” © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say COLOR US UNIMPRESSED: The world heard even harsher bluster a few months ago. And Iranians have heard them –albeit more civilized ones– for 40 yrs. We've been around for millennia & seen fall of empires, incl our own, which lasted more than the life of some countries. BE CAUTIOUS! Mohammad Javad Zarif, Iran's Foreign Minister, 3:04 PM - Jul 23, 2018,  responding to TRUMP'S ALL CAPS TWEET of 8:24 PM - 22 Jul 2018, in which he threatened Iran with nuclear war © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Depends. Mel Brooks responding to someone who asked him whether he wore long shorts or briefs  © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Dude. Matt Gaetz responding to a sack-carrying attendee at a meet and greet in New Hampshire who asked him if he'd be interested in a “bag full of underage girls” (which actually held a blow-up sex doll) © 2024 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say A final safety note here: If your mask obstructs your vision, you're doing it wrong. Brian Williams, The 11th Hour, April 28, 2020, responding to vice president – and chairman of the White House Coronavirus Task Force – Mike Pence's claim that he sauntered around the Mayo Clinic talking to doctors and COVID-19 coronavirus patients without wearing a mask because he wanted to “look them in the eye and say thank you” © 2020 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Give each guy in the line an ax. Alex Karras, great defensive tackle, responding when asked how to stop Jim Brown, great running back © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Guess that makes me a proud bitch! Teresa Kaepernick, 8:46 – 22 Sep 2017, responding to Trump who called her son, Colin, a “son of a bitch” for protesting racial injustice by kneeling during singing of the national anthem at NFL games © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say H.B.C.U.s were not created because the four million newly freed blacks were unhappy with the choices they had. They were created because they had no choices at all. John Silvanus Wilson, ex-president of Morehouse College, a Historically Black College and University, responding to Betsy DeVos's statement that HCBUs were pioneers of “school choice,” her preferred hobbyhorse  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say He must have been an incredibly good shot. Noël Coward, responding to being told that an acquaintance had “blown his brains out” © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Hey Donald, I have a great idea. Why don't we switch jobs? You take over TV, cause you're such an expert in ratings. And I take over your job, and then people can finally sleep comfortably again. Arnold Schwarzenegger, responding to Donald Trump, who had asked the foreign dignitaries, lawmakers and religious leaders at a National Prayer Breakfast to pray for an increase in the ratings of NBC's The Apprentice, which fell after Schwarzenegger replaced Trump as its host © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Honey, you're sitting on it. Alfred Hitchcock responding to an actress who, when asked why she shifted from left to right profile while posing for publicity photos, said she wanted her best side to be photographed © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say How are you going to get them to buy Fords? Walter Reuther, leader of the United Automobile Workers, responding to a Ford Motor Company official who, pointing to robots in a newly opened fully automated engine plant, said, “How are you going to collect   union dues from these guys?” [many variations exist] © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I agree with that description, if you remove the “et” Stephen Curry, responding when asked about a statement made by the chief executive of Under Armour, his team's primary sponsor, that Trump is “a real asset” to the country  © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I feel like the Thanksgiving turkey. They bring you out on the tray and everybody oohs  and aahs, and then they begin to carve you up. Mario Cuomo responding to Nancy Pelosi, who asked him, when he became governor, “How's it feel to be governor?” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I have other plans. when responding to someone who says, “Have a nice day.” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I hope he takes his kids with him. Manhattanite responding to the news that Donald Trump changed his official residence from Manhattan to Palm Beach, Florida, quoted in Financial Times, Nov. 2/3, 2019 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I know … because I won both of them. Barack Obama responding to Republicans who applauded when he said he had no more elections to run © 2015 Kwiple.com
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Punt returners say I'll think for you. how atheists respond to believers who say to them, “I'll pray for you” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I love it. Donald Trump, Jr., fumbling the ball by eagerly accepting an offer to meet with a repersentative of the Russian government to discuss its desire to collude with his father's campaign to defeat Hillary Clinton instead of reporting it to the FBI © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm at least second-rate. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.) responding to Donald Trump, who called him a “third rate Grandstander” © 2020 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm concerned about one thing – that he doesn't know that's two things. Stephen Colbert, The Late Show, January 29, 2019, responding to Howard Schultz, who said, in announcing he's considering running for president in 2020, “I'm concerned about one thing: Doing everthing I can to help families who have been left behind, and to restore dignity and honor in the Oval Office.” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm going to hope … eating it? Stephen Colbert responding to reports in Fire and Fury,  by Michael Wolff, that Donald and Melania Trump have separate bedrooms and that “If he was not having his 6:30 dinner with Steve Bannon, then … he was in bed by that time with a cheeseburger" © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm not sure whether I even have any gay friends, to be honest with you. Greg Norman, CEO of LIV, an organization created by Saudia Arabia to launder its reputation for murdering its opponents and critics, reponding to a reporter's question about persecution of gay people in Saudi Arabia  © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm on you now. You are fucking with me now Let's see who you are Watch your back , bitch. Marc Kasowitz, lawyer for Russian oligarchs and Donald Trump's personal lawyer, fumbling his response to an email from a public citizen who asked him to resign as Trump's counsel in the Russia probes by threatening him with retaliation © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I'm your son, Mike. Michael Reagan responding when Ronald Reagan said “My name is Ronald Reagan. What's yours?” to a boy at a boarding school in Scottsdale, Arizona, in 1964 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I paint with my prick. Pierre-Auguste Renoir, responding when asked how he could paint with hands crippled by rheumatoid arthritis  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I think it would be a great idea. Mahatma Gandhi's reputed response when asked what he thought of Western civilization © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I think I've made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I've created thousands and thousands of jobs – tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I've had tremendous success. I think I've done a lot. Donald Trump, fumbling his response to a father whose son was killed in Iraq trying to save others and who criticized Trump for sacrificing nothing and no one for his country © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I've always wanted to live in Odessa, Texas. Barbara Bush, debutante from Rye, New York, responding to George H. W. Bush, her husband, who told her he decided to go into the oil business in Texas to lessen dependence on family ties on the eastern seaboard © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I want to thank the Russian Academy for this Lifetime Achievement Award. Hillary Clinton, 11:19 AM – Mar 15, 2022, responding to the announcmeent that the Russian Foreign Ministry imposed sanctions on her and twelve other high-profile Americans banning them from entering Russia © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I was in World War II and I didn’t see you there. Mel Brooks responding to an audience member at a preview of "The Producers," which shows Hitler sauntering and singing and dancing, who kept storming up the aisle and yelling, “How dare you have Hitler, how dare you have the swastika? I was in World War II risking my life and you do this on a stage?” [In the war, Brooks was a combat engineer whose job was to defuse land mines and clear boobytraps from buildings]  © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I would have to follow up with you on that one, Mr. Gohmert. Jennifer Eberlien, associate deputy chief of the Forest Service, responding, with a smile, to Louie Gohmert, who asked her, during a meeting about climate change conducted by the House Natural Resources Committee: “Is there anything that the National Forest Service or BLM can do to change the course of the moon's orbit or the Earth's orbit around the sun? Obviously, that would have profound effects on our climate.” © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say I wouldn't do anything with that. I use a Uni-ball Signo. Michael Crawford, the cartoonist, responding to a woman who picked up a pen and asked him what he would do with it © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say If I were wrong, one would have been enough. Albert Einstein, responding to learning that a book,  100 Authors against Einstein, had been published in Germany © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.  The proper response to counterfactual claims © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say If the US president will only talk about things he has thoughts on, we will be hearing much less from him. Henry Mance responding to Donald Trump's statement about the Tory election campaign while in London for the 2019 NATO meeting: “It's going to be a very important election for this great country, but I have no thoughts on it.” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say If the way to get rid of something awful was for people to laugh at it and mock it,  that woman clearly wouldn’t be in Congress. And yet here we all are. John Oliver responding to Marjorie Taylor Greene's comment about monkeypox that “It’s not a threat to most of the population. People just have to laugh at it, mock it, and reject it ... It's another scam.” © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say If there are people there, it's not “nowhere.” This is somewhere. It's just a somewhere that doesn't get a lot of attention. Dr. Jeff Bulington, who moved to Franklin County, Mississippi, to teach childen there how to play chess, responding to Sharon Alfonsi, 60 Minutes  correspondent, who said Franklin County was “in the middle of nowhere” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say The irony of your making that statement here, I cannot avoid. Angus King, responding to FBI director James Comey's claim during a Senate intelligence committee hearing that, “Especially in a public forum, we never confirm or deny a pending investigation,” ignoring the press conference he held eleven days before the 2016 election to announce that the FBI was reopening its investigation of Hillary Clinton's emails without announcing it was actively investigating Donald Trump's connections to Russia © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It certainly will be if you are still around. Oscar Levant responding to George Gershwin, who said, “I wonder if my music will be played a hundred years from now” © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It's a noun. So is “idiot”. @FPWellman, 8:11 PM – May 25, 2021, responding to My pronoun is “Patriot”. @laurenboebert, 4:59 PM – May 25, 2021 © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It will fluctuate. J. P. Morgan when asked what the stock market will do © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It's a shame the White House has become an adult day care center. Someone obviously missed their shift this morning. Bob Corker, 8:13 AM – 8 Oct 2017, responding to Trump's earlier tweet accusing Corker of “not having the guts” to run for re-election [In September, Corker had announced his decision to retire from the Senate in order to be able to criticize Trump without having to kowtow to right-wing Republicans] © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It's not a fraternity any more. Madeleine Albright responding to Henry Kissinger, a former Secretary of State, who called to congratulate her on becoming America's first female Secretary of State and said, “Welcome to the fraternity” © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It's not the spider I'm worried about. Ellis Settle, quoted by Sebastian Junger in Tribe: Homecoming and Belonging, responding to a young boy who said pulling legs of spiders was OK because spiders feel no pain © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. Marilyn Monroe responding to reports she posed nude before becoming famous © 2015 Kwiple.com
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Punt returners say May I point out that only one of you is sitting on Putin's lap with his hand up your butt. Stephen Colbert responding to Donald Trump, who said: “Joe Biden is a dummy” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say News to me. Chuck Schumer, 1:10 PM – Aug 6, 2024, responding to Republican talk show host Erick Erickson's 9:04 AM – Aug 6, 2024 tweet: No Jews allowed at the top of the Democratic Party. © 2024 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say No, I just like trash. Edward Gorey responding when asked if his fondness for splatter films reflected “a scholarly interest in American pop culture” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say No, I pooped too. An old guy's response when asked, Did you just fart? © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say No. Unhappy the land that needs heroes. Galileo responding to Andrea, who said “Unhappy the land that has no heroes,” in Bertolt Brecht's play, The Life of Galileo © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Oh my God, I am so ready to go to work. Kamala Harris, responding to Joe Biden, who made her his running mate by asking, “You ready to go to work?” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Only in the mating season. Spike Milligan, on The Goon Show, when asked, Do you come here often? © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Only when Christ comes again. Billy Graham, response when asked, after King's "I Have a Dream" speech, when he thought “little white children … will walk hand in hand with little Black children” © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? Ernest Hemingway responding to Faulkner's statement that Hemingway has “never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say The reality about what Governor Kasich said about wanting your pilot to succeed because he's flying your plane is that your pilot has actually been trained to fly it. Maya Wiley, responding to the Ohio governor's comment that he roots for Donald Trump to do well for the same reason he roots for the pilot of a plane he's on to do well © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Really? When my landlord comes, can I just give him a hug? Carmella Salinas, an early-childhood-education teacher in New Mexico who lobbied state legislators for more funding for education after working 14 years only to earn $12.89 per hour for work capped at 32 hours per week, responding to a legislator who told her, “You didn't get into this for the money; you're paid in love.” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Really? You're going to compare Donald Trump to Jesus Christ? May I remind you, Jesus never had to cut a check to keep Mary Magdalene quiet. Stephen Colbert, Late Show with Stephen Colbert, 12/18/2019, responding to Barry Loudermilk, Republican who made the comparison during the House floor debate about Trump impeachment articles © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Take up less space. T. S. Eliot, responding to a questionnaire sent to many poets in 1922 that asked, “What in modern life is the particular function of poetry as distinguished from other kinds of literature?” © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Tell me. Do you think God cares?  A rabbi, responding to Daniel Bell, who, during his bar mitzvah in 1932, told the rabbi, “I've found the truth. I don't believe in God. I'm joining the Young People's Socialist League." © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say That's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken. Dick Gregory,  responding to a white waitress who told him, “We don't serve colored people here” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say That's not enough. I need a majority.  Adlai Stevenson, responding to a supporter who called out, “Governor Stevenson, all thinking people are for you!” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say That's not fair. Mob bosses know how to run a casino — allegedly . . . allegedly. Stephen Colbert responding to news that James Comey compared Donald Trump to a mob boss  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Too fucking busy, and vice versa. Dorothy Parker, responding to an editor who reminded her of an overdue piece © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Twenty-eight percent. John von Neumann, responding when asked how much of mathematics did he know © 2020 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Vad i helvete pratar du om? What the hell are you talking about? Det fanns ingen terroristattack. There was no terrorist attack. Swedes, responding to Donald Trump's February 18, 2017, claim there had been a terrorist attack in Sweden the night before, adding, for emphasis, “Sweden! Sweden! Who would believe this? Sweden.” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say We don't live in a dictatorship or a monarchy. I swore an oath —in the military and in the Senate— to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, not to mindlessly cater to the whims of Cadet Bone Spurs and clap when he demands I clap Tammy Duckworth, 4:04 PM - 5 Feb 2018, responding to President Trump, who called Democrats “treasonous” for not clapping enough during his first State of the Union Address © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say We understand one another. Vladimir Putin,  responding to Joe Biden, who had said, “Mr President, I'm looking in your eyes and you have no soul.” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say We would prefer something of value. Stephen Colbert responding to Donald Trump, who said: – after pulling a folded sheet of paper out of his jacket pocket, waving it about and claiming it was a secret agreement with Mexico to prevent migrants from entering the U.S. – “I just give you my word” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Well, Bill, your mother made a choice and we are all living with the consequences of it. Katie Porter responding to Bill Maher, who said he was “squishy” about pro-choice abortion rights, while being interviewed by him on his show © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Well Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are. Donald Trump, responding to Kevin McCarthy, Republican and minority leader of the House, who asked him to call off his supporters who were assaulting the Capitol © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Well, there's truth to that. There is truth to that. There are certainly no corners. And you look, there's a certain openness. But there's nobody out there. You know, there is an openness, but I've never seen anybody out there actually. Donald Trump, pointing to a window in the Oval Office, thereby fumbling his response to a request to reflect on George W. Bush's comment that the Oval Office is round and has no corners to hide in, meaning accountability ends there © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say What the fuck is an homage? Jack Warner responding to Warren Beatty,  who told Warner that Bonnie and Clyde  was an homage to Warner's 1930s gangster films after Warner had asked him, at a screening, “What the fuck is this?” © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Where might this sea be located? Bartender Moe Szyslak, in The Simpsons  Mom and Pop Art episode, responding to a European customer who, when asked what life there is like, said, “To be honest, we're adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex.” © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Which one? The proper response when asked, What do you think about yesterday's shooting? © 2021 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Why should she? She's already leading Facebook. Unnamed participant at a meeting of corporate executives responding when asked if he thought Sheryl Sandberg could run for president one day Quoted by Rana Foroohar, Financial Times, July 7, 2019 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Why would you say something that dumb? Why would you ask something that dumb?  John McCain, responding to FoxNews reporter Peter Doocy, who, hoping to elicit a response proving McCain is as unprofessional, petty and vindictive as Trump, asked him, “Has your relationship with the President frayed to the point that you are not going to support anything that he comes to you and asks for?” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Wow, Mr. President, that's a good one. Was that like your answers to Mr. Mueller's questions, or did you write this one yourself? Adam Schiff, 10:36 AM – 18 Nov 2018, responding to Donald Trump, who called him, in his role as 72-year-old kindergartner, “little Adam Schitt” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes. Donald Trump responding to Howard Stern, who asked about Trump's daughter Ivanka, “Can I say this? A piece of ass.” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes, but he prefers to be called Ron Desantis. Stephen Colbert, responding to Gizmodo's January 14, 2022, headline, “Sadly, 'Covid Dick' Is Real” © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes, but you won't like any of them. Ticket-taker at a concert, when asked, “Are many people inside?” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes, do you mind? Dorothy Parker, responding to a woman who asked, “Are you Dorothy Parker?” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes, he's not a baby, because a baby wets his own bed. Stephen Colbert, responding to Donald Trump, who told Lesley Stahl, “I'm not a baby” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Yes, I agree. Except to use your metaphor, I don't think it's the last inning. I think it's the last pitch. David Rothkopf responding to Lawrence O'Donnell, who, while interviewing him on The Last Word with Lawrence O'Donnell on January 24, 2022, said: “There is another problem with Washington news media coverage, which is, if they were baseball reporters, the way they would cover the game is the winner is whoever won the last inning. So everything Joe Biden did in the first, second, third, fourth innings of year one is forgotten when Build Back Better runs into the roadblock in the Senate and then voting rights runs into the filibuster roadblock in the Senate.” © 2022 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Dorothy Parker, responding when asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence © 2017 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say You're dipping into the Kool Aid and you don't even know the flavor. Cory Booker responding to Joe Biden about a comment Biden made about Booker's tenure as mayor of Newark, NJ © 2019 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say You're not wrong. I do occasionally use adult language and I do it in public instead of the privacy of an Access Holywood bus. Stephen Colbert, responding to Donald Trump, who said in a Time magazine interview that “There's nothing funny about what he says. And what he says is filthy.” © 2017 Kwiple.com
 
Punt returners say You're the president. Your're not, like, somebody's crazy uncle who can just retweet whatever. Savannah Guthrie, responding to Trump's defense for retweeting a QAnon theory that Obama and Biden had members of SEAL Team 6 killed to cover up the fake death of Osama bin Laden by saying, “That was a retweet. That was an opinion of somebody. And that was a retweet. I put it out there. People can decide for themselves. I don't take a position.” © 2021 Kwiple.com