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Saturday 20th of April 2024

Dead-in-the-heads say As someone who's run for office five times, if the devil called me and said he wanted to set up a meeting to give me opposition research on my opponent, I'd be on the first trolley to Hell to get it. And any politician who tells you otherwise is a bald-faced liar. Jeanine Pirro, former judge and district attorney and Fox News' Justice with Judge Jeanine host, defending Donald Trump Jr.'s meeting with emissaries of the Russian government even though he knew it wanted to help Trump win, and she knows it's illegal for foreigners to contribute, donate or spend funds on any election in the United States © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I go to the office in the morning.  I sue Barack Obama, and then I go home. Greg Abbott, when he was Texas's Attorney General © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not in business to make money for the other guy. I'm in business to make money for myself. Sheldon Adelman  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I hired Sarah Palin because she was hot and got ratings. Roger Ailes © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am often asked whether I am an optimist or a pessimist. My reply is, “I am an optimist who worries a lot.” Madeleine Albright © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm obsessed with the fact that my mother genuinely resembles Groucho Marx. Woody Allen © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie It's amazing what I say and what I do and what I get away with. Joe Arpaio © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie  The easiest kind of relationship for me is with two thousand people. The hardest is with one. Joan Baez © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Being in the pulpit was like being in the theatre; I was behind the scenes and knew how the illusion was worked. James Baldwin, The Fire Next Times   © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie A boy like me with all his handicaps, real and fancied, could not have survived in obscurity. James Baldwin © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want to be an honest man and a good writer. James Baldwin © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie It's really something, to be a legend,  unbearable. James Baldwin © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie My father said, during all the years I lived with him, that I was the ugliest boy he had ever seen, and I had absolutely no reason to doubt him. James Baldwin © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Honey Badger don't give a shit Steve Bannon's motto © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I like to call someone a raving cunt every now and then, when it's appropriate, for effect. Steve Bannon, once executive chairman of Breitbart News, now CEO of Trump's presidential campaign © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm just some fuckin' guy, making it up as I go along.  Steve Bannon © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm the guy who wanted them out of the building. Steve Bannon, taking responsibility for the proposal to remove the press briefing room from the White House © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never went on TV one time during the [2016 presidential] campaign. Not once. You know why? Because politics is war. General Sherman would never have gone on TV to tell everyone his plans. I'd never tip my hand to the other side. Steve Bannon © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I've got my hands back on my weapons. It's Bannon the Barbarian. Steve Bannon, on returning to Breitbart News after having been fired by Trump © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie A libertine. A rake. A rogue. A roué. A goddamn running loose dog. John Perry Barlow © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too. Roseanne Barr © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have five kids from three marriages. I come from a trailer park.  My sister and brother are both gay. I have multiple personalities. Roseanne Barr © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie We were quantum criminals. The car and I were attempting to occupy the same space at the same time. Walter Becker, on being hit by a taxi  © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Be social or die! That is my slogan. What is it to me that something universal lives, so long as the individual suffers,  that genius on earth should  live in heaven, while the common herd rolls in the mud? Vissarion Belinsky © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie If you elect me president, I promise you wont' have to think about me for 2 weeks at a time. Michael Bennet, 2:27 PM – Aug 6, 2019 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I really didn’t say everything I said. Yogi Berra © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie Ask yourself: Do I lok like a radical socialist with a soft spot for rioters? Really? Joe Biden © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Don’t compare me to the Almighty, compare me to the alternative. Joe Biden © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I talked like Morse code. Joe Biden, on his years in a Catholic prep school, where he was called Joe Impedimenta because of his stutter © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I've done some dumb things. And I'll do dumb things again. Joe Biden © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I were president of the United States the first thing I would do is put a day care center in the White House. Joe Biden, June, 1987 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie The more he [Trump] talks, the better off I am. Joe Biden © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie All I care about is race. Edward Blum © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was in a car accident in 1992, and something took place that I've never been able to explain. For all intents and purposes, I was internally decapitated, and yet, I live, I breathe, I shop, I laugh, I get old, I walk the earth. Marlene Bourne © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie The Wind tells me I'm a ghost, but I don't believe it. Marlene Bourne © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie Yeah, I'm crazy. Crazy like a fox. Marlene Bourne, the "ghost woman" Fox News relied on as its source for claims of election fraud during the 2020 presidential election © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie Look at the attention I get: It's because I throw a football. But that's what society values. That's not what God values. God could give a shit, as far as I'm concerned. Tom Brady © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit. Mel Brooks © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I buy expensive suits – they just look cheap on me. Warren Buffett © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't want people to throw tomatoes at me when I think I deserve a bouquet, and I don't want a bouquet when tomatoes are called for. Warren Buffett © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up. Barbara Bush © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I had fun at Yale. I got a lot of great friends out of Yale. And I didn't pay attention. George W. Bush © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a C student. He's the PhD. He's the adviser. I'm the president. What does that tell you? George W. Bush © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm worried that I will be the last Republican president. George W. Bush © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Some people are saying I prove that if you get a C average, you can end up being successful in life. George W. Bush © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was a cynical little turd at a cynical little school. Jeb Bush, on Phillips Academy Andover, 1967-1971 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Please clap. Jeb Bush, on completing his speech in Hanover, New Hampshire © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie A couple of weeks ago, I was watching video of people fighting on the street in Washington. A group of Trump guys surrounded an Antifa kid and started pounding the living shit out of him. It was three against one, at least. Jumping a guy like that is dishonorable obviously. It’s not how white men fight. Yet suddenly I found myself rooting for the mob against the man, hoping they’d hit him harder, kill him. I really wanted them to hurt the kid. I could taste it. Tucker Carlson, January 7, 2021 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I hate him passionately. Tucker Carlson on Donald Trump, but only off the air to his colleagues and never on the air, where he remains Fox's most popular Trump sycophant © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have got a great ambition to die of exhaustion rather than boredom.  Thomas Carlyle © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm probably never going to be president because I'm not a politician. I don't want to be a politician because politicians do what is politically expedient. I want to do what's right. Ben Carson, announcing 2016 presidential campaign © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm the only one to separate Siamese twins, the only one to operate on babies while they were still in their mother's womb, the only one to take out half a brain, although you would think, if you go to Washington, that someone had beat me to it. Ben Carson, retired neurosurgeon, Republican presidential debate, August 5, 2015 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Ben Carson © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I shall be an autocrat; that's my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me: that's his. Attributed to Catherine the Great © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was called “intellectual,” I guess, because I didn't know any better than to read the guests' books. Dick Cavett © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie After all, Darth Vader is one of the nicer things I've been called recently. Dick Cheney, 2007 © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I got there all by myself. Dick Cheney, denying George H. W. Bush's claims that Cheney's wife and daughter were why Cheney was hard-nosed © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't think there's anybody in America who thinks my personality is best suited to being Number Two. Chris Christie © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I made a political decision eight years ago when I dropped out of the race in 2016. I looked at the polls and I decided that Donald Trump was going to be the nominee  and that since I'd known him for fifteen years, that I could make him a better candidate and if he won, maybe a better president. I knew his flaws, but I also knew he was going to win the noimination, so I decided I could get behind him and support him. I let the ambition get ahead of and in control of the decision-making, and after I figured that out, I promised myself and I promised  my wife that I would never, ever do that again. And I'm not going to. Chris Christie, Windham, NH, January 10, 2024 © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie Man up and say I'm fat. Chris Christie, to former governor Jon Corzine © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie We are all worms, but I believe that I am a glow-worm. Winston Churchill © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I feel your pain. Bill Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie New Hampshire tonight has made Bill Clinton the comeback kid. Bill Clinton, on placing second in the 1992 New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary after being far behind in the polls © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie  When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two – and I didn't like it – and didn't inhale and never tried inhaling again. Bill Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy. Bill Clinton, looking over “Juanita,” an Incan mummy on display at the National Geographic Museum © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Hello Iowa — I'm back! Hillary Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I grew up in a middle-class family in the middle of America in the middle of the last century. Hillary Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a million ideas. The country can't afford them all. Hillary Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession, which I entered before my husband was in public life. Hillary Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said seventy times seven. Well, I want you to know that I'm keeping a chart. Hillary Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie What makes me such a lightning rod for people's fury? I'm really asking. I'm at a loss. Hillary Clinton © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie All my life I'd heard people tell their black boys and black girls “to be twice as good,” which is to say “accept half as much.” Ta-Nehisi Coates, Between the World and Me © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have often wondered how I missed the coming tragedy. It is not so much that I should have predicted that Americans would elect Donald Trump. It's just that I shouldn't have put it past us. Ta-Nehisi Coates, The Guardian, September 29, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was made for the library, not the classroom. The classroom was a jail of other people's interests. The library was open, unending, free. Ta-Nehisi Coates, Between the World and Me © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm the guy who stops the leaks. I'm the guy who protects  the president and the family. I'm the guy who would  take a bullet for the president. Michael Cohen © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I can't afford your Harvard ethics. Roy Cohn, to a lawyer in his firm who refused to sign a false affidavit © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I don't want to know what the law is, I want to know who the judge is. Roy Cohn © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I know things I don't want to know – like how small a body gets when it is burned to death. Marie Colvin, war correspondent  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was blinded by your looks and sex and so I tried to ignore what my brain was telling me. So I drank more and read less and my world telescoped down to yours – sex, looks and money.  Marie Colvin, diary entry on learning of her longtiime partner's many affairs © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I would like to have a saner life. I just don't know how. Marie Colvin, war correspondent  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie He[Trump]'s tweeted at me probably fifty times. I've been gone for a year. I'm like a breakup he can't get over. James Comey © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie Don't be fooled, because I am a man by day. Kellyanne Conway © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a very, very proud wacko bird. Ted Cruz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was bitten by an octopus. Ted Cruz, answer to a question about what voters would be surprised to learn about him, which turns out to be that he incites even cephalopods © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I will credit my father, he invented … green eggs and ham. He did it two ways. The easy way was he would put green food coloring in … But if you take spinach and mix it into the eggs, the eggs turn green … I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I am. Ted Cruz © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie If you want someone to grab a beer with, I may not be that guy. Ted Cruz © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie In my life, I have never once seen an Hispanic panhandler. Ted Cruz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Let me be clear. Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him. Ted Cruz © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie My music taste changed on 9/11 … I didn't like how rock music responded. And country music, collectively, it resonated with me. And I have to say, it just is gut-level. I had an emotional reaction that says, “These are my people.” And so, ever since 2001, I listen to country music. Ted Cruz, whose political career is funded mostly by large individual donors and billionaire-backed organizations pandering to country boys © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Twenty years from now, if there is some obscure  trivial pursuit question, I am confident I will be the answer. Ted Cruz © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie How ya like me now?! Stormy Daniels, 4:35 PM - 21 Aug 2018, just after Michael Cohen was convicted on eight counts, including violating campaign finance law by following Trump's order to pay hush money to her and another woman in order to influence the outcome of the 2016 election © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie It must not be thought that I have spent the last ten years of my life pafnutying. (I should like to be remembered as the man who introduced this verb into the language. I think it has great possibilities, like Oscar Wilde's “bunburying.” In the future editions of Webster's, I would like to see: pafnuty, v.i., to pursue tangential matters with a hobby-like zeal.) Philip J. Davis, The Thread: A Mathematical Yarn © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I didn't take seriously how troubled she was. When she was six, she called Camarillo State Psychiatric Hospital and asked what to do if you think you're going crazy. That should have triggered something in me other than amusement. Joan Didion on the death of her adopted daughter © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I lack all temperament for paradise, real or facsimilie. Joan Didion © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I could believe that going to a barricade would affect man's fate in the slightest I would go to that barricade, and quite often I wish I could, but it would be less than honest to say that I expect to happen upon such a happy ending. Joan Didion, “On the Morning After the Sixties” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie It doesn't matter to me what people say to me in the interview because I don't trust it. Joan Didion © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie My only advantage as a reporter is that I am so physically small, so temperamentally unobtrusive, and so neurotically inarticulate that people tend to forget that my presence runs counter to their best interest. And it always does. That is one last thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out. Joan Didion, Preface to Slouching Towards Bethlehem © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Quite often during the past several years I have felt myself a sleepwalker, moving through the world unconscious of the moment's high issues, oblivious to its data, alert only to the stuff of bad dreams … Acquaintances read The New York Times,  and try to tell me the news of the world. I listen to call-in shows. Joan Didion, “In the Islands” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have climbed to the top of the greasy pole. Benjamin Disraeli, on becoming Prime Minister in 1868 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't know how many people run for Vice President and President and lose both. Bob Dole © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I had had the courage and the virility and possibly also the physique of Edward Ashburnham I should, I fancy, have done much what he did. He seems to me like a large elder brother who took me out on several excursions and did many dashing things whilst I just watched him robbing the orchards, from a distance. John Dowell, narrator of Ford Madox Ford's The Good Soldier © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie My only sin is extrajudicial killings. Rodrigo Duterte © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie The big bugs in the press kept promoting me as the mouthpiece, spokesman, or even conscience of a generation. That was funny. All I'd ever done was sing songs that were dead straight and expressed powerful new realities. I had very little in common with and knew even less about a generation that I was supposed to be the voice of. Bob Dylan, Chronicles: Volume One © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't think I'm gonna be really understood until maybe 100 years from now. Bob Dylan, 1984 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie My toenails don't really fit right and I can't see too well on Tuesdays. Bob Dylan © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie Whatever the counterculture was, I had seen enough of it. I was sick of the way my lyrics had been extrapolated, their meanings subverted into polemics and that I had been anointed as the Big Bubba of Rebellion, High Priest of Protest, the Czar of Dissent, the Duke of Disobedience, Leader of the Freeloaders, Kaiser of Apostasy, Archbishop of Anarchy, the Big Cheese. Bob Dylan, Chronicles: Volume One © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a horse for single harness, not cut out for tandem or team work. Albert Einstein © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have finished my task here. Albert Einstein's last words © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I sold myself body and soul to Science — a flight from the “I” and “we” to the “it.” Albert Einstein © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I very rarely think in words at all. A thought comes, and I may try to express it in words afterwards. Albert Einstein © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie If my theory of relativity is proven successful, Germany will claim me as a German and France will claim that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew. Albert Einstein, 1922 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie With fame I became more and more stupid, which of course is a common phenomenon. Albert Einstein © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I must be seen to be believed. Queen Elizabeth II, explaining that she wore colorful clothes so television cameras could easily pick her out in a crowd  © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am silent. This is sin. I know it as soon as I see it. There will be no atonement for it. In the coming years, I won't have the audacity to seek it. Witnessing a man being tortured in the Palestinian chair requires the witness to either seek justice or cover his face. Like Henson in Fallujah, I'll spend the rest of my life covering my face. Eric Fair, Consequence: A Memoir © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've always wanted to be involved with diseases that were very, very serious. I would rather be involved with patients who have fatal disesases than those with diseases that are just an annoyance. That just happened to be my bent. I wanted to be where the action was. Dr. Anthony Fauci © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I love being a woman. I like dressing up; I love buying shoes. Carly Fiorina © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I would have done all them faster. Carly Fiorina, when asked what she would have done differently at Hewlett-Packard, where she laid off 30,000  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie What I have said to people is that I've lived the American Dream, because I have. Carly Fiorina © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie The day I stop being indignant I'll have nothing left to live for. Gustave Flaubert, letter to George Sand, about June 15, 1867 Trans. by Francis Steegmuller © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Although the word “radicalism” is often applied to those on the right as well as the left, I announced at the outset that, since we had only one semester, I planned to focus on what might be called left-wing radicalism. Those students who wanted exposure to right-wing radicalism, I added, could enroll in any class in Columbia's business school. Eric Foner, DeWitt Clinton Professor of History at Columbia University © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am here today not because I want to be. I am terrified. I am here because I believe it is my civic duty to tell you what happened to me when Brett Kavanaugh and I were in high school. Christine Blasey Ford, opening remarks to the Senate Judiciary Committee, September 27, 2018  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie Once he was selected and it seemed like he was popular and a sure vote, I was calculating daily the risk/benefit for me of coming forward, and wondering whether I would just be jumping in front of a train that was headed where it was headed anyway and that I would just be personally annihilated.  Christine Blasey Ford to the Senate Judiciary Committee, September 27, 2018 © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a human. At least in the sense that both of my parents were human. This has certain consequences. I cannot, for instance, make children with a fox. I have come to terms with that. Charles Foster, who has lived as a badger, otter, red deer, swift and urban fox © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I dug a hole in a Welsh woodland and lived in it. I crawled around on all fours. I tried to turn myself into a more olfactory creature. I ate pizza out of dustbins in the East End of London, was hunted by a bloodhound, tried to catch fish with my teeth, and climbed trees to map the thermals that suck insects into the sky. Charles Foster, on things he's done that “some people think are strange” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Some of my Republican friends ask if I've gone crazy. I say: Look in the mirror. David Frum © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I react pragmatically. Where the market works, I'm for that. Where the government is necessary, I'm for that. I'm deeply suspicious of somebody who says, “I'm in favor of privatization,” or “I'm deeply in favor of public ownership.” I'm in favor of whatever works in the particular case. John Kenneth Galbraith © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have the spiritual life of a toaster. The older I get, the less interested I am in the “larger” questions. Janan Ganesh, Financial Times, May 29, 2020 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Deep down, I'm pretty superficial. Ava Gardner © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am one of those unlucky writers whose books have predeceased him. Wilfrid Gibson © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie My most fervent wish is that I will not be replaced until a new president is installed. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, days before her death on September 18, 2020 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie And my attitude about my legacy is Fuck it. Rudy Giuliani © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Don't tell me I'm anti-Semitic if I oppose him. [George] Soros is hardly a Jew. I'm more of a Jew than Soros is. Rudy Giuliani © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Hey I'm Rudy Giuliani and I'm on Cameo. Rudy Giuliani's opening message on Cameo, an app where washups sell personalized messages in exchange for cash © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I can't remember the last time I was drunk. Rudy Giuliani © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I know Prince Andrew is very questionable now. I never went out with him. Ever! Never had a drink with him, never was with a woman or young girl with him. Ever, ever, ever! Rudy Giuliani's during his speech commemrating the 20th anniversary of 9/11 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I was an alcoholic, I’d be fricking dead by now. Rudy Giuliani, September 11, 2021 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie There's no proof at all that I take too much alcohol. Rudy Giuliani © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have little interest in streamlining  government or in making it more efficient, for I mean to reduce its size. I do not undertake to promote welfare, for I propose to extend freedom. My aim is not to pass laws, but to repeal them. Barry Goldwater, Conscience of a Conservative © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Sometimes I think this country would be better off if we could just saw off the Eastern Seaboard and let it float out to sea. Barry Goldwater © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Ankles, or the lack of them, have long been the bane of my life. Fiona Golfar, How To Spend It, Juily 30, 2020 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am fortunate in that I am apparently reasonably undersexed or something. I've never said that I was gay and I've never said that I wasn't. Edward Gorey © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie My favorite journey is looking out the window. Edward Gorey © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie Fascism Forever Club (Founder and President) Neil Gorsuch, who says he was joking in his senior biography for the 1985 Georgetown Preparatory School yearbook, but whose fellow students routinely called him “a conservative fascist” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie And here's the first thing I would do if I were president of the United States. I wouldn't let Congress leave town until we fix this. I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to. We're not leaving town until we restore these defense cuts. We're not leaving town until we restore the intel cuts. Lindsey Graham © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Everything I learned about Iranians, I learned working in the pool room. I met a lot of liars, and I know Iranians are liars. Lindsey Graham © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want to be president to protect our nation that we all love so much from all threats foreign and domestic. So get ready. I know I'm ready. Lindsey Graham, announcing 2016 presidential campaign © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I don’t judge anyone for being pro-choice, any more than I want you to judge me for being pro-life. Nikki Haley © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I voted for every pro-life bill that came before me. Nikki Haley [Including ones without exceptions for rape or incest] © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I define peace as the ability to defend yourself and blow your enemies into smithereens. Sean Hannity © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a journalist. But I'm an advocacy journalist, or an opinion journalist. Sean Hannity © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never claimed to be a journalist. Sean Hannity © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am not fit for this office and should never have been here. Warren G. Harding on the presidency © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have fought for children and survivors of sexual assault. I fought against transnational criminal organizations. I took on the biggest banks and helped take down one of the biggest for-profit colleges. I know a predator when I see one. Kamala Harris © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie My pronouns are she, her, and hers. Kamala Harris © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Follow me around. Gary Hart © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I try not working backward from assumption but forward from data. Michael Hayden, former CIA and NSA director © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I, for my part, acknowledge another precept which says that man must deal the final blow to those whose downfall is destined by God. Adolf Hitler © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have not come into this world to make men better, but to make use of their weaknesses. Adolf Hitler © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie You will never learn what I am thinking. And those who boast most loudly that they know my thought, to such people I lie even more. Adolf Hitler © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie And they would ask me, well, now, are you one of those narrow-minded Baptists who think only Baptists are going to heaven? To which I enjoy replying, now actually, I'm more narrow than that. I don't think all the Baptists are going to make it. Mike Huckabee © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I didn't get into politics because I thought government had a better answer. I got into politics because I knew government didn't have the real answers, that the real answers lie in accepting Jesus Christ into our lives. Mike Huckabee © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I didn't major in math. I majored in miracles, and I still believe in them. Mike Huckabee © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My company was not unacceptable to the young and careless, as well as to the studious and literary; and as I took a particular pleasure in the company of modest women, I had no reason to be displeased with the reception I met with them. David Hume, "My Own Life," April 18, 1776, 130 days before his death at age 65 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a camera with its shutter open, quite passive, recording, not thinking. Christopher Isherwood, “Berlin Diary” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not a religious person. I would call myself an atheist. I don't have a good story behind it. I'm just reasonable. Anthony Jeselnik © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie The reality is I'm not an evolutionary biologist. Bobby Jindal, a Brown University biology major, when asked about his stance on evolution © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie The only reason I wouldn't go to some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump. Boris Johnson, 2015 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie My faith informs everything I do. Mike Johnson © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am boring. Tim Kaine © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I don't think I'm an asshole. Travis Kalanick, Fortune, June 1, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Bikini selfies are my fave. Kim Kardashian © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie What is my talent? Well, a bear can juggle and stand on a ball and he's talented,  but he's not famous. Do you know what I mean? Kim Kardashian © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Yes, we drank beer. My friends and I. Boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer. The drinking age, as I noted was 18, so the seniors were legal. Senior year in high school, people were legal to drink. Yeah, we drank beer. And I said, sometimes we probably had too many beers and sometimes other people had too many beers. We drank beer. We liked beer. Brett Kavanaugh, when asked, “Did you consume alcohol during your high school years?” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie The biggest thing, which readers may find hard to swallow given my entire career has been based on ridiculing others, is that, for my next act, I want to be useful. Yes, I know sticking pins in pompous chief executives is useful in a meta kind of way but that's not the kind of useful I have in mind. Lucy Kellaway, announcing she's retiring as a columnist for the Financial Times after 31 years to become a trigonometry teacher in an inner city school in London © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm just a loud-mouthed, middle-aged, colored lady with a fused spine and three feet of intestine missing, and a lot of people think I'm crazy. Maybe you do too, but I never stop to wonder why I'm not like other people. The mystery to me is why more people aren't like me. Florynce Kennedy © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My parents gave us a fantastic sense of security and worth. By the time the bigots got around to telling us that were nobody, we already knew we were somebody. Florynce Kennedy © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie What did I do wrong?  Nothing. I behaved unethically, for ethical reasons. Adnan Khashoggi © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie In the end, how can I lose? My campaign will combine the short peppy speeches of Joe Biden, the common touch of Mike Bloomberg, the collegiality of Ted Cruz and the chipper upbeat personality of Bernie Sanders.  Amy Klobuchar, on her 2020 run for the Democratic nomination © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Any monk still producing calligraphy after 1492 probably sensed he was working in an outdated medium. I write texts of more than 30 words, so I now feel the same. Simon Kuper, Financial Times, October 19, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie My life mantra is that the solution to most human problems is earplugs, and nothing could induce me to attend the “happy hours” in the canteen. No doubt I am unusually misanthropic, but it turns out that few people meet anybody at a WeWork. Simon Kuper, Financial Times, April 6, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie Deprivation is to me what daffodils were to Wordsworth. Philip Larkin © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've been an American for over 60 years. I've been a German for over 4,000. Gerhard Lauck, the Milwaukee-born “Farm Belt Führer,” and founder of the National Socialist German Workers Party/Overseas Organization © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I always admired older guys. I couldn't wait to wear an ascot. Ralph Lauren © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Even when I'm wrong, I'm Right. Graham Ledger, news anchor of OAN's The Daily Ledger © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I would rather die of coronavirus a free person than live like a slave to government engulfed in fear, panic and with no liberty. Graham Ledger © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie  The only fucking arbitrator I trust is me. Robert Lighthizer, Trump's US Trade Representative © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want it said of me by those who knew me best that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower where I thought a flower would grow. Abrham Lincoln © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I define a moral action as one that brings advantage to my friends. Frederick Lindermann, 1st Viscount Cherwell, Churchill's buddy  © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I think I'd rather take a car apart than use it to carry groceries. Paul Lockhart, Arithmetic © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm sticking with my six-year old feeling of delight in things that move by themselves. You don't want to think of an odometer as alive and possessed of a soul, then don't. But Odometer and I have a beautiful relationship, and when she rolls over, I go to pieces. Paul Lockhart, Arithmetic © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a cat named Cowboy who hasn't talked to me in two years, but we're cool. Courtney Love © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I believe that protecting society's weakest from arbitrary misfortune is the ultimate test of our civilisational worth. Edward Luce © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Bill Clinton made Frank Luntz because Bill Clinton discovered the power and the influence of words. Frank Luntz, Republican pollster and creator of “climate change” instead of “global warming,” “death tax” instead of “inheritance tax,” “healthy forests” instead of “clearcutting,” “government takeover” instead of “healthcare reform” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am like a ripe shit, and the world is a gigantic asshole. We will both probably let go of each other soon. Martin Luther, nearing death © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I grew more interested in making a desk than sitting at one. Nina MacLaughlin, author of the book, Hammer Head, about transitioning from being a journalist to being a carpenter © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I hope that if you watch my show, [you'll acquire a set of] good, true stories about what's going on and why it matters. Rachel Maddow, host of MSNBC's The Rachel Maddow Show © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy. Bill Maher © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My alma mater was books, a good library. … I could spend the rest of my life reading, just satisfying my curiosity. Malcolm X, in Autobiography of Malcolm X  © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members. Groucho Marx, on why he resigned from the Friars Club © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I came here to make sure our Republic doesn't die by unanimous consent in an empty chamber, and I request a recorded vote! Thomas Massie (R-Ky.), explaining why he demanded Representatives return to Waashington, DC, in the midst an outbreak of COVID-19 coronavirus to participate in a roll-call vote on the coronaviruss relief bill instead of a simple voice vote © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I did as well as I could for as long as I could. When my concrete solutions and strategic advice, especially keeping faith with our allies, no longer resonated, it was time to resign. James Mattis, Trump's former Secretary of Defense © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not an actor and I enclose my press cuttings to prove it. Victor Mature, objecting to being refused membership in an exclusive golf club © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie When I think about it now, the place I lived in longest was Hanoi. John McCain, 1982 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've been a proud guardian of gridlock. Mitch McConnell © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I will always be well financed, and I will be well financed early. Mitch McConnell © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a product of Hitler. I was born in the thirties and bombed in the forties. Don McCullin, who was evacuated from London to Somerset County in southwest England during the Blitz  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't just take photographs. I think. Don McCullin © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I can barely find a guy to go on a date with me, much less marry me. I’ll have to pay someone to get down on one knee one day. Kayleigh McEnany © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I could do a whole show of hits if I wanted to, but I don't. That’s one reason I quit playing arenas and playing outdoors. It wasn't about music — it was about being a human jukebox. John Mellencamp © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I know concrete. I know asphalt. I don't know flowers. Marcus Messner, protagonist in Philip Roth's Indignation © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie As a Russian of Asian extraction I am aware I'm not democracy material: I rarely go to vote and never to protest. And that psyche is widespread in the former Mongol empire territories: Russia, Belarus, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, China and North Korea. Mergen Mongush, letter to the editor, Financial Times, June 22, 2022 © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I owe the public nothing. J. P. Morgan © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie Whenever I’m at the airport, I like to do a little shopping at the Free Store. The Free Store is any establishment that  leaves its permanently price-gouged wares unsecured on shelves unattended by underpaid and overharried employees. I stroll in, select my items, then suddenly “receive a phone call” that “my flight is almost done boarding.” I’ve known people who get a rush from the act of stealing. Not me. What I love is having and using things I didn’t pay for. Thomas Morton, “writer, TV host and frequent flier” © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie Illness, insanity and death were the black angels that kept watch over my cradle and accompanied me throughout life. Edvard Munch © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I could have. But I didn't. Rupert Murdoch, when asked under oath by a lawyer whether he could have ordered Fox News hosts like Maria Bartiromo, Lou Dobbs, Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, and Laura Ingraham to keep  Trump's lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani off the air to prevent them from spreading what he, other Fox executives, and its hosts knew were lies about Dominion Voting Systems and voter fraud during the 2020 elections © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie They call me anti-Jew and anti-nigger. Listen we like the nigger — in his place … Our [Right-to-Work] amendment helps the nigger; it does not discriminate against him. Good niggers, not those Communist niggers. Jews? Why some of my best friends are Jews. Good Jews. Vance Muse, the foremost lobbyist for right-to-work laws © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm aspirationally Jewish. Elon Musk © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've said I want to die on Mars, just not on impact. Elon Musk, founder of SpaceX © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My biggest concern is our trajectory. Are we on a trajectory to get to Mars before civilization crumbles? Elon Musk, to a SpaceX executive © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am not a crook. Richard Nixon © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie If ever this comedy thing doesn't work out, I've got poverty to fall back on. Trevor Noah © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I know that as a consequence of my fund-raising I became more like the wealthy donors I met. Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Look, 20 years from now, I'm still going to be around, God willing. If Iran has a nuclear weapon, it's my name on this. Barack Obama, July 14, 2015 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a fart in a gale of wind, a humble violet, under a cow pat. Dr. O'Connor in Nightwood,  by Djuna Barnes © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Excuse My Dust  Dorothy Parker's proposed epigraph for herself © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.  Dorothy Parker © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Are you moving me up, then! George Pataki, responding to a student who called him “something of a 2nd-tier kind of candidate” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines. Rand Paul © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never, ever cheated. I don't condone cheating. But I would sometimes spread misinformation. That is a great tactic. Misinformation can be very important. Rand Paul © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've upped my standards. Now, up yours. Pat Paulsen © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a workhorse, not a show horse. Nancy Pelosi © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie It was a saying in an African hospital: “When one day I die and happily go to meet my maker, he will say to me, ‘Show me your wounds.’ And if I have no wounds to show him, he will say, ‘Was nothing worth fighting for?’” I’m proud of my wounds. Nancy Pelosi, recounting something she read while on an overseas trip © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie Some people count sheep at night. I count votes. Nancy Pelosi © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie What took me from the kitchen to Congress was knowing that one in five children in America lives in poverty. I just can't stand that. Nancy Pelosi, who first ran for Congress at the age of 47 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order. Mike Pence © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was like the frozen man. Frozen before the revolution; thawed after it was over. A minuteman who showed up 10 years too late. Mike Pence on being elected to the House in 2004 to shrink government and cut federal spending when Republicans launched Medicare Part D and bailed out Wall Street banks © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Rush Limbaugh on decaf. Mike Pence on his talk radio show, “The Mike Pence Show”  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie At 55 years old, I've never learned to use a laptop. Do they still make laptops? No fucking idea! Sean Penn © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Dick in hand, I do consider it among my body parts vulnerable to the knives of irrational narco types, and take a fond last look, before tucking it back into my pants. Sean Penn, thoughts while stopping to piss into woods on his way to interview Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzmán in his jungle hidelut © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a firm believer in intelligent design as a matter of faith and intellect, and I believe it should be presented in schools alongside the theories of evolution. Rick Perry © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I can't. The third one. I can't. Sorry. Oops.  Rick Perry, during a 2011 Republican debate, apologizing for failing to recall the name of the 3rd of the 3 government departments he would abolish if elected president © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a producer. Cole Porter © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I happen to love financial services. Katie Porter © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I try to ask a question rather than give a speech. The American people want to know: “Are these witnesses being truthful and honest?” Katie Porter, on her role as a member of the Financial Services Committee © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie Dreams? If only they had been! But I don't need dreams, Doctor, that's why I hardly have them— because I have this life instead. With me it all happens in broad daylight! The disproportionate and the melodramatic, this is my daily bread! Alexander Portnoy, to Dr. Spielvogel, his psychoanalyst, in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Whew! Have I got grievances! Alexander Portnoy, protagonist in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Yes, shame, shame, on Alex P., the only member of his graduating class who hasn't made grandparents of his Mommy and his Daddy. While everybody else has been marrying nice Jewish girls, and having children, and buying houses, and (my father's phrase) putting down roots,  while all the other sons have been carrying forward the family name, what he has been doing is—chasing cunt. And shikse  cunt to boot! Chasing it, sniffing it, lapping it, shtupping  it, but above all, thinking about it. Alexander Portnoy, protagonist in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I like our ads. I like beautiful women eating burgers in bikinis. I think it's very American.  Andrew F. Puzder, chief executive of CKE Restaurants, the parent chain of Hardee's and Carl's Jr., and Trump's choice for Secretary of Labor  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I cannot compete with Facebook, with Twitter, with Instagram and Youtube. I simply can't. And I just can't for a very simple reason: most likely someone with a cellphone will be there, and I won't. Jorge Ramos, self-described “dinosaur” anchor of a regularly-scheduled TV news program © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm just a journalist who asks questions. I'm just an active journalist. Jorge Ramos when asked whether he's an activist or a journalist © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of six feet. Robert B. Reich © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie When I was promoting Green Hornet, Sony asked me not to tell so many weed stories. And I said, I don't think I'm capable of doing that. It's kind of the only thing I can talk about. Seth Rogen © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not an optimist. I'm a very serious possibilist. Hans Rosling © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie My interest is not data, it's the world. Hans Rosling © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't want you to rehabilitate me. Just make me interesting. Philip Roth to his Blake Bailey, his biographer © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not a scientist, man. Marco Rubio © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm theologically in line with the Roman Catholic Church. I believe in the authority of the church, but I also have tremendous respect for my brothers and sisters in other Christian faiths. Marco Rubio © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie People buy into my agenda. I don't buy into anyone's agenda. Marco Rubio © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty. Donald Rumsfeld © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a grumpy old guy. People don't need to know what I buy in the grocery store or what the name of my dog is – I don't own a dog, by the way – but they do need to know why billionaires are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer. Bernie Sanders © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie They always say preachers' kids and politicians' kids are the worst. So I figured I didn't have a chance in the world to turn out OK. Sarah Huckabee Sanders © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money. Rick Santorum © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things  in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage. Rick Santorum © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie We'll never have the elite smart people on our side. Rick Santorum © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am an originalist. I am a textualist. I am not a nut. Andtonin Scalia © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie You're looking at me as though I'm weird. My God! Are you so out of touch with most of America, most of which believes in the devil? I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the devil! It's in the Gospels! Andtonin Scalia © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie  [I'm] like David Duke without the baggage. Steve Scalise © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was a strong supporter of the second amendment before the shooting and, frankly, as ardent as ever after the shooting in part because I was saved by people who had guns. Steve Scalise, after he and five others were shot during a practice session for the annual congressional baseball game in June, 2017, by a leftist extremist, who was shot dead on the scene by law enforcement officers © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not Steve Bannon. I'm not trying to suck my own cock. I'm not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the Pesident. Anthony Scaramucci © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie They're trying to resist me, but it's not going to work. I've done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they're going to have to go fuck themselves. Anthony Scaramucci, commenting on the release of his financial disclosure form, which he thought had been illegally leaked to Politico, but which Politico had obtained via a public records request © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie What I don't like about Washington is that people don't let you know how they feel. They're very nice to your face and then they take a shiv or a machete and stab you in the back. I'm a Wall Street guy. I'm more of a front-stabbing person. Anthony Scaramucci © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers. Anthony Scaramucci © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am so rich that I must give myself away. Egon Schiele, referring to his self-portraits © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a long history of recognizing, I'm not the smartest person in the room, that in order to make great decisions about complex problems, I have to recruit and attract more experienced, more skilled, and we've got to create an understanding that we need a creative debate in the room to make these kinds of decisions. Howard Schultz © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am going to take my Herodotus as a guide-book. Patrick Shaw-Stewart, on learning he would be sent to fight at Gallipoli, in Turkey, near the site of the ancient battles at Troy © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't want to have to worry about the market every minute. I want models that will make money while I sleep. A pure system without humans interfering. Jim Simons, founder of Renaissance Technologies and its flagship Medallion Fund, based on quantitative analysis © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't like America enough to want to live anywhere else except Manhattan. And what I like about Manhattan is that it's full of foreigners. The America I live in  is the America of the cities. The rest is just drive-through. Susan Sontag © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'd rather have a retarded hot woman than a slob who's a doctor. Howard Stern, responding to Donald Trump, who had said that before he bought Miss Universe and Miss America pageants, “They were starting to take women who were educated over women who were hot. They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested.” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I probably represented the worst of the American political system. I was a guy who was drawn to politics because of campaigns and not government. Stuart Stevens © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I really want to address the elephant in the room. This is what I look like now. I'm not happy about it either. Very few people would be happy about looking like an anti-smoking poster. Jon Stewart, The Problem with Jon Stewart, 2021 © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I remember going through the cafeteria line and telling every kid that Nixon was in favor of school on Saturdays. … It was my first political trick. Roger Stone, once a John F. Kennedy supporter, now the GOP's “king of dirty tricks” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Write something that makes me look bad, they'll find your body — or rather, they won't find it. Roger Stone,  the GOP's “king of dirty tricks,” joking with a journalist from Rolling Stone  magazine © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never got to sleep alone until I got married. John Stumpf © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I didn't like law. Every client had a problem, and I didn't want to listen to people's problems; I had enough of my own. David Tang © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have always regarded tracksuits, especially those with hoodies, rather shabby, and so not only would I never wear them, but I despise those who do. It is a bourgeois standard of casualness that makes us wear our best clothes less than our worst clothes, which is stupid. Sir David Tang, Financial Times, April 15-16, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Yellow on the outside but white underneath. David Tang comparing himself to a banana © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I ain't evolvin'. Clarence Thomas  © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I didn't want this job.  My wife told me I'm supposed to do this. Rex Tillerson, on being nominated as United States Secretary of State © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent. Calvin Trillin © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie All the women on The Apprentice  flirted with me, consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Appreciate the congrats for being right about radical Islamic terrorism Donald Trump, on the June 12, 2016, mass shooting in which 49 were killed and 53 wounded at Pulse, a gay club in Orlando, Florida © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Aren't you glad I don't drink? Donald Trump © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Do you know it's my dream to have my face on Mount Rushmore? Donald Trump to South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie Every time I speak of the haters and losers I do so with great love and affection. They cannot help the fact that they were born fucked up. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie He became a different man when the Democrats viciously stated that they wanted to impeach him. They went wild. We want to impeach him. We're gonna impeach Bill Barr. We're gonna impeach him. He became different. I understand that. I didn't become different. I got impeached twice. I didn't change. I became worse. I became worse.  Donald Trump, July 11, 2021 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier. Donald Trump, who avoided serving during the Vietnam War, on being given the Purple Heart by the Vietnam veteran who won it © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a very proud election denier. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a big fan of Hindu. and I am a big fan of India. Big, big fan. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a Tariff Man. Donald Trump, 7:03 AM – 4 Dec 2018 © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a young, vibrant man. Donald Trump, April 26, 2019  © 2019 Kwiple.com
- Selfie I am an extremely stable genius. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am the least anti-Semitic person that you’ve ever seen in your entire life. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am your voice. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I can turn anyone into a successful real estate investor, including you. Donald Trump, in a letter he signed to solicit customers for Trump University, his fake university, which promised to provide “professors and adjunct professors that are absolutely terrific —terrific people, terrific brains, successful,” but weren't © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I do play with the bankruptcy laws – they're very good for me. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't discard people. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully on canvas or write wonderful poetry.  I like making deals, preferably big deals. That's how I get my kicks. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't feel good about turning down money because, my whole life, I've been greedy, greedy, greedy. I've grabbed all the money I could get. But now I want to be greedy for the United States. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't get too angry. I get even. Donald Trump  © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't kid. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't like to analyze myself because I might not like what I see. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't stand by anything. Donald Trump © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I don't throw temper tantrums. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I guess I have a perverse personality. Donald Trump © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a gut and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else's brain can ever tell me. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a natural instinct for science. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my enterprises. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have a great relationship with the blacks. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have seen women manipulate men with just a twitch of their eye — or perhaps another body part. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist. Donald Trump  [Presumably referring to Roy Cohn, his mentor] © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have so many websites. I have them all over the place. I hire people, they do a website. It costs me $3. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I have the support of the police, the support of the military, the support of the Bikers for Trump – I have the tough people, but they don't play it tough – until they go to a certain point, and then it would be very bad, very bad. Donald Trump © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I know fucking krauts. I was raised by the biggest kraut of them all. Donald Trump, pointing to a picture of his father, Fred © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I know words. I have the best words. I have the best, but there is no better word than stupid. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I like having friends, but I like having enemies more. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I like [reading] as little as possible. I don't need, you know, 200-page reports on something that can be handled on a page. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I like the challenge [of dealmaking] and tell the story of the coal miner's son. The coal miner gets black-lung disease, his son gets it, then his son. If I had been the son of a coal miner, I would have left the damn mines. But most people don't have the imagination – or whatever – to leave their mine. They don't have “it.” Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I lived in New York City and Manhattan my whole life, OK. So, you know, my views are a little different than if I lived in Iowa. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'll let you know how I fell about it after it happens. Donald Trump, failing to dispel rumors he may walk away from the Presidency if he wins it © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I love eminent domain, it's how I built my hotels. Donald Trump © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I love loans. I love other people's money. Donald Trump © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie I love losers because they make me feel so good about myself. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I love the poorly educated. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I’m a counterpuncher. I can't hit people who don’t hit me. Maybe that’s my weakness. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a germaphobe … There's no way I would let people pee on each other around me. No way. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a negotiator, like you folks. Donald Trump, to the Republican Jewish Congress © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a smart person. I don't need to be told the same thing every day. If something should change, let me know. Donald Trump, on deciding he doesn't need daily intelligence briefings like other presidents © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a total act and I don't understand why people don't get it. Donald Trump © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm a very instinctual person, but my instincts turn out to be right. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm cognitively there. Donald Trump, boasting about “acing” the 10-minute Montreal Cognitive Assessment test to detect incipient cognitive impairment, which he believes proves he has a high IQ  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not a baby. Donald Trump © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm president and you're not. Donald Trump, the puerile president (The Pee Pee) © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm really rich. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm the guy that gets away with it. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm the one who got rid of Roe v. Wade and everyone said that was an impossible thing to do. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never had a lawyer who took notes. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never read Mein Kampf. Donald Trump  [He listened to the audio book or he channels Adolf Hitler] © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I never worked for Russia. Donald Trump, January 14, 2019 © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I only do 10s. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I only have one regret in the women department — that I never had the opportunity to court Lady Diana Spencer. Donald Trump © 2023 Kwiple.com
Selfie I play to people's fantasies. Donald Trump, The Art of the Deal © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I should be impeached more often. Donald Trump, after his second impeachment © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I spent a couple of bucks on legal fees and they spent a lot more. I did it to make his life miserable, which I'm happy about. Donald Trump, on spending two years before his case was dismissed suing Tim O'Brien, author of TrumpNation, for writing that his net worth was most likely not in the billions as he frequently claimed but in the low hundreds of millions © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I started off in Brooklyn. My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.  Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I think I'm much more humble than you would understand. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I think I'm a nice person. Does my family like me? I think so. Donald Trump, presidential announcement speech, June 16, 2015 © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I think my strongest asset, maybe by far, is my temperament. I have a winning temperament. I know how to win. Donald Trump, America's conflict of interest king and biggest loser, by 2,864,974 votes © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I've said on one occasion, even about myself, if I were starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black, because I believe they do have an actual advantage. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me. Donald Trump © 2024 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want great climate. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want to be associated with interesting quotes. Donald Trump,  explaining why he retweeted a quotation from Benito Mussolini, the fascist dictator © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was the Earnest Hemingway of 140 characters. Donald Trump responding when Twitter raised the maximum size of an individual tweet from 140 to 280 characters © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I went to the Wharton School of Business. I'm, like, a really smart person. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me — and I'll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I would say that I have never been given the credit that I'm due. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I would bring back waterboarding. And I would bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding. Donald Trump, 2016 Repubican candidates' debate, New Hampshire © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I wouldn't want to be in a foxhole with a lot of these people. Donald Trump, a draft evader who left serving in foxholes to others, after singling out John McCain as one of “these people” — Republicans who don't avidly support him for president  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I do something wrong, I try to do something right. I don't bring God into that picture. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I don't have social media, I probably would not be standing. Donald Trump, Phoenix rally, August 22, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I don't tweet it, don't listen to my staff. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie If somebody screws you,  you screw ’em back ten times over. At least you can feel good about it. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie If you really like Donald Trump, that's good. But if you don't, you have to vote for me anyway. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie It's very possible that I could be the first presidential candidate to run and make money on it. Donald Trump, when considering running for President as the Reform Party candidate in 2000 © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie A lot of people don’t want that. They don’t want to hear negativity toward me. Donald Trump © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie My whole life has been money. I want money. I want money. Greedy. I was greedy. Greedy. I want more money. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie One of the greatest of all terms I've come up with is “fake.” Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie One of the problems that a lot of people like myself – we have very high levels of intelligence,  but we're not necessarily such believers. You look at our air and our water, and it's right now at a record clean. Donald Trump, responding to the 2018 National Climate Assessment report, which predicts dire economic consequences of global warming © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yamakas every day. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. Donald Trump © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie The people that don’t like me are the rich people. It’s a funny thing. They can't stand me. I sort of love it. Donald Trump, 1995 © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie So it sort of is curious. A man works for us, with us, very closely, Dr. [Anthony] Fauci and Dr. [Deborah] Birx also, very highly thought of — and yet, they're highly thought of, but nobody likes me? It can only be my personality, that's all. Donald Trump, July 28, 2020 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie Sometimes you have to toot your own horn because nobody else is going to do it. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest – and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it's not your fault. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Stephen Vaughn, King and Spalding. Stephen. King and Spalding. I could use some good legal advice. Do you have some good lawyers over there? I could use some good lawyers, right? Ah, the hell with it! I just have to suffer through it the way I have all my life. Donald Trump, the Self-Pitying Don, reflecting on impeachment at the signing of the U.S.-China Phase One Trade Agreement, January 15, 2020 © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie They're people just like me, only they're poor. Donald Trump, when asked to define “white trash” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie This is not your typical advice, get even, but this is real-life advice. If you don't get even, you're a schmuck! I really mean it, too. Donald Trump, Think Big © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie What are they talking about, if I wanted to do quid pro quo, I would've done the damn quid pro quo. Donald Trump objecting to a Wall Street Journal editorial suggesting he was too inept to execute a quid pro quo with Ukraine © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie What I love just about more than anything are waffles when they're done properly with butter and syrup. There's nothing better  than properly done waffles with butter and syrup all over them. Donald Trump © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie When he calls me “brilliant,” I'll take the compliment. … If he says great things about me, I'm going to say great things about him. Donald Trump, referring to Vladimir Putin, who described him as “YARKII” (ЯРКИЙ), initially incorrectly translated as “brilliant” but shortly afterwards correctly translated as “shiny” or “bright” or “flamboyant” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie When I can, I tell the truth. Donald Trump © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I'm basically the same. The temperament is not that different. Donald Trump © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie With the exception of the late, great Abraham Lincoln, I can be more presidential than any president that's ever held the office. That I can tell you. It's real easy. Donald Trump © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie You know, I'm not a big sleeper. I like three hours, four hours, I toss, I turn, I beep-de-beep, I want to find out what's going on. Donald Trump © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie It took me probably 41 years to realize I was a lot more like my dad than either of us had ever thought. … Our default mode is, I guess, attack. Donald Trump, Jr. © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I was the combination. Ivanka Trump, answering Ainsley Earhardt, who asked,  during a July, 2016, “Fox & Friends” episode, “Were you a tractor girl,   or were you, like me, the Pink Barbie Jeep?” © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie I'm not smart enough to understand the numbers. Tommy Tuberville, victim of three Ponzi schemes and freshman Republican Senator from Alabama, who wants to be on the Senate's “banking finance” committee [there are two committees] © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie I identify with the millions of working-class white Americans of Scots-Irish descent who have no college degree. To these folks, poverty is is the family tradition— their ancestors were day laborers in the Southern slave economy, sharecroppers after that, coal miners after that, and machinists and millworkers during more recent times. Americans call them hillbillies, rednecks, or white trash. I call them neighbors, friends and family. J.D. Vance, Hillbilly Elegy © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie We didn't live a peaceful life in a small nuclear family. We lived a chaotic life in big groups of aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. This was the life I'd been given, and I was a pretty happy kid. J.D. Vance, Hillbilly Elegy © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Spoiler alert: I actually am a Kenyan-born Muslim and Obama was never at the meetings at the Kenyan mosque. Ali Velshi, guest host for Last Word with Lawrene O'Donnell August 12, 2021 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie You told me I gotta prepare, so I'm preparing. I'm this country boy, you know, I'm not that smart. And [Warnock’s] that preacher. He's a smart man, wears these nice suits. So he's going to show up there, embarrass me at the debate, October the 14th. Herschel Walker, September 19, 2022, Republican candidate for Georgia senator, on an upcoming debate with Raphael Warnock, the Democratic incumbent © 2022 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I can take on 100,000 protesters, I can do the same across the world. Scott Walker, comparing union protesters to Islamic terrorists © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie My belief is that we shouldn't be paying for them to sit on the couch, watching TV or playing Xbox. Scott Walker, leaving “them” to the imagination © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie I will never be outniggered again. George Wallace, after losing to a candidate supported by the Ku Klux Klan in the 1958 Alabama gubernatorial race © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie If I had feelings, I would have a nervous breakdown. Andy Warhol © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie For many people, they may not know the details of my plans, but they'e sure glad to know that the plans are there – that somebody has worked through this that they can trust, and who has their interests at heart, and will be in that fight and win that fight. Elizabeth Warren © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie I bring the pieces of who I am to every battle. I'm a mother and a teacher. I'm a planner, a fighter, and a learner. Together, these pieces furnish the foundation for everything I do. Elizabeth Warren, in Persist  © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie  I'm not interested in waiting four decades for the day when women don't pay a penalty for being a woman. Elizabeth Warren, Persist  [2021] © 2021 Kwiple.com
Selfie  That minimum wage job saved our house – and more important, it saved our family. Elizabeth Warren, on her mother's first job, at Sears, after her father could no longer work due to a heart attack © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie Jeff Sessions wouldn't have gotten to the Senate had I not overseen his race in 1968. Now I look back at that and say, “What kind of goddamn penance  do I have to pay for that?” John Weaver, long-time political consultant and co-founder of the Lincoln Project, a group of never Tumpers © 2020 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am God's vessel. But my greatest pain in life is that I will never be able to see myself perform live.  Kanye West © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am a proud non-reader of books. Kanye West © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I think people think I like to think a lot. And I don't. I do not like to think at all. Kanye West © 2018 Kwiple.com
Selfie All I got is a wife and a git-tar, and I wish I only had the git-tar. Hank Williams © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie Growing up, I came up with this name: I'm a “Cablinasian”. Tiger Woods © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want to be what I've always wanted to be: dominant. Tiger Woods © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you … Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore … Tiger Woods in sext messages to an alleged mistress © 2015 Kwiple.com
Sex I'm not into golden showers. Donald Trump, answering a question the GOP donors he was addressing didn't ask © 2021 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest People having lip surgery to look better in their selfies © 2016 Kwiple.com
< Trumpists say The Godless left is relentlessly attacking me for my Christian faith. I am a proud Christian  and a proud American. That's why I am a proud  Christian Nationalist. Claim your Proud Christian Nationalist shirt now and share your love for our great country. Marjorie Taylor Greene, Jul 29, 2022, 11:03  © 2022 Kwiple.com
 
Trumpists say I talked to a student recently at one of our woke college campuses who said she is required in every class to  introduce herself and to give her pronouns. Well, Im Ted Cruz, and my pronoun is, kiss my ass. Ted Cruz, July 23, 2022 © 2022 Kwiple.com