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Monday 22nd of July 2024

Alabama Republicans say  The age of consent is fourteen, period. Or whichever comes first. © 2017 Kwiple.com
Bad news David D. Smith, CEO of Sinclair Broadcast Group, avoided community service in 1996 in Baltimore for soliciting a prostitute by airing “news” segments about local drug counseling programs citation © 2017 Kwiple.com
Big Brother Vibrator maker ordered to pay out C$4m for tracking users' sexual activity — — — — — — — — — — — Canadian manufacturer We-Vibe collected data about temperature and vibration intensity, revealing intimate information without customers' knowledge headline, The Guardian, March 14, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Books If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck them. John Waters © 2021 Kwiple.com
By the numbers … according to the largest survey on American sexual behavior conducted in decades … researchers at Indiana University found that only about a third of girls between 14 and 17 reported masturbating regularly and fewer than half have even tried once. When I asked about the subject, girls would tell me, “I have a boyfriend to do that,” though, in addition to placing their pleasure in someone else's hands, few had ever climaxed with a partner. Peggy Orenstein, New York Times, March 20, 2016 © 2015 Kwiple.com
By the numbers Estimated number of emergency room visits last year attributed to adverse effects of sexual-enhancement supplements: 610 Harper's Index, January 2016 © 2016 Kwiple.com
Class struggle I'm not trying to turn you into a bourgeois, Naomi. If the bed is too luxurious, we can do it on the floor. Alexander Portnoy, protagonist in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Clothes The big thing at the Empire [Burlesque house] is hats. Down the aisle from me a fellow addict fifty years my senior is dropping his load in his hat. His hat, Doctor! Oy, I'm sick. I want to cry. Not into your hat, you schvantz, you got to put that thing on your head! You've got to put it on now and go back outside and walk around downtown Newark dripping gissum down your forehead. How will you eat lunch in that hat! Alexander Portnoy, to Dr. Spielvogel, his psychoanalyst, in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Cocks of the walk say  I can love four women at the same time. Rodrigo Duterte © 2022 Kwiple.com
Cocks of the walk say If I sleep for three hours, I have the energy to make love for three hours after that.  Silvio Berlusconi © 2022 Kwiple.com
COVID-19 coronavirus You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex. New York City Health Department, memorandum to residents, 3.27.20  © 2020 Kwiple.com
Dead-in-the-heads say Birth Control Makes Women Unattractive and Crazy headline, Breitbart News, December 8, 2015 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Environmentalism The findings from [Shanna] Swan and her colleagues [at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai] suggest that if we continue to use industrial chemicals at the current rates, we could plasticize and nonstick and flame-retard ourselves into a state of near sterility. Anna Louie Sussman,  New York Review of Books, September 23, 2021 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Facts Birth, and copulation, and death That's all the facts when you come to brass tacks; Birth, and copulation, and death T. S. Eliot, Sweeney Agonistes © 2018 Kwiple.com
Foreign relations It is no accident that Carter's  first state visit as president was to Poland. Unfortunately, his interpreter mangled his words. Carter said that he was glad to be in Poland and wished to have close relations with its people. It came out as saying that he had left America for good and wanted to have sex with locals. Poles did not seem to mind. Edward Luce, Financial Times, Februry 22, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Kwiple dictionary sweinstein (swīn'stēn), v. To ejaculate into a potted plant © 2017 Kwiple.com
Making money the old-fashioned way Acting in porn movies © 2016 Kwiple.com
Making money the new-fashioned way Being a lap dancer © 2023 Kwiple.com
Men A lot of men are impotent and it's very sad. How many of you are impotent? I see. Can't get your arms up either? Roseanne Barr © 2018 Kwiple.com
Money in politics  Report: Trump lawyer  brokered $130,000 payment to porn star headline, Washington Post, January 12, 2018 © 2018 Kwiple.com
Poverty A call girl is simply someone who hates poverty more than she hates sin. Sydney Biddle Barrows, Mayflower Madam © 2016 Kwiple.com
Privacy A sex toy company called We-Vibe, for instance, obtains and stores data on when, how often, and at what speed individuals use its vibrators. Smart speakers like Amazon's Alexa record, store, and share private conversations with the company. Apple's virtual assistant, Siri, has been known to record (and send back to the company) the sounds of people having sex. Sue Halpern New York Review of Books, March 9, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Punt returners say Only in the mating season. Spike Milligan, on The Goon Show, when asked, Do you come here often? © 2016 Kwiple.com
Resisters say “Let him who hasn't raw dogged a porn star after the birth of his 5th child with his 3rd wife cast the first stone” donald JOHN trump 8:7 Placard, Los Angeles Women's March, January 20, 2018 © 2018 Kwiple.com
Resisters say Viagra is gov't funded ($41.6 mil/yr) If pregnancy is GOD'S WILL so is LIMP DICK  Placard, New York City International Women's Day March, March 8, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Selfie Let me be clear. Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him. Ted Cruz © 2016 Kwiple.com
Selfie I am fortunate in that I am apparently reasonably undersexed or something. I've never said that I was gay and I've never said that I wasn't. Edward Gorey © 2019 Kwiple.com
Selfie One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country, the whole sexual libertine idea. Many of the Christian faith have said, well, that's okay, contraception is okay. It's not okay. It's a license to do things  in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. They're supposed to be within marriage. Rick Santorum © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Yes, shame, shame, on Alex P., the only member of his graduating class who hasn't made grandparents of his Mommy and his Daddy. While everybody else has been marrying nice Jewish girls, and having children, and buying houses, and (my father's phrase) putting down roots,  while all the other sons have been carrying forward the family name, what he has been doing is—chasing cunt. And shikse  cunt to boot! Chasing it, sniffing it, lapping it, shtupping  it, but above all, thinking about it. Alexander Portnoy, protagonist in Philip Roth's Portnoy's Complaint  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex Are you going to come quietly, or am I going to have to use ear plugs? The Goon Show,  January 20, 1959 © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex A comparative sociological study of East and West Germany conducted after reunification in 1990 found that Eastern women had twice as many orgasms as Western women. Researchers marveled at this disparity in reported sexual satisfaction, especially since East German women suffered from the notorious double burden of formal employment and housework. In contrast, postwar West German women had stayed home and enjoyed all the labor-saving devices produced by the roaring capitalist economy. But they had less sex, and less satisfying sex, than women who had to line up for toilet paper. Kristen R. Ghodsee © 2019 Kwiple.com
Sex Folks should do their own fuckin', then they wouldn't want to listen to a lot of clatfart about another man's. D. H. Lawrence, Lady Chatterly's Lover © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex Good Lord—what does it matter whether one copulates or doesn't copulate? Gustave Flaubert, letter to Paul Alexis, December 8, 1879 Trans. by Francis Steegmuller © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex A good rule of thumb is: ‘Biology enables. Culture forbids.’ Biology is willing to tolerate a very wide spectrum of possibilities. It's culture that obliges people to realise some possibilities while forbidding others. Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex He always have orgasm and he doesn't wait for me to have orgasm. Lorena Bobbitt, Ecuadoran-born wife of John Wayne Bobbitt, explaining why she cut off his penis with a kitchen knife while he slept, and then fled with it in a car and threw it into a field before calling the police  © 2018 Kwiple.com
Sex He arrived here and immediately ran off to meet with Moscow prostitutes? This is an adult and, moreover, a man who for many years has organised beauty contests. He socialised with the most beautiful women in the world. I can hardly imagine he rushed to the hotel to meet our girls of lower social responsibility – even though they are the best in the world, of course. Vladimir Putin, on allegations concerning Trump's behavior with prostitutes at a hotel in Moscow during a visit for the 2013 Miss Universe pageant © 2017 Kwiple.com
Sex I'll be obsessed when I'm eighty exactly as I was when I was eighteen. Philip Roth, when middle-aged © 2021 Kwiple.com
Sex I'm not into golden showers. Donald Trump, answering a question the GOP donors he was addressing didn't ask © 2021 Kwiple.com
Sex If you need Viagra, you're probably with the wrong woman. Donald Trump © 2022 Kwiple.com
Sex If you tell a man he is wanted, and you do it when you are making that very clear, he will remember your words longer than you do. You can fix people a little bit, plus there are orgasms and cuddling. I couldn't design a better therapy. Linda Tirado, Hand to Mouth  © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex “In this third season of Harley Quinn, we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman,” Justin Halpern said. “And DC [Comics] was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They're like, ‘Heroes don't do that.’” Continued Halpern: “So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it's that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It's hard t sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’” Hollywood Reporter, June 15, 2021 © 2021 Kwiple.com
Sex “Integration,” said a very light Negro to me in Alabama, “has always worked very well in the South, after the sun goes down.” “It's not miscegenation,” said another Negro to me, “unless a black man's involved.” James Baldwin, “Nobody Knows My Name: A Letter from the Sourth” © 2017 Kwiple.com
Sex Sexual intercourse began In nineteen sixty-three (Which was rather late for me) – Between the end of the Chatterly  ban And the Beatles' first LP. Philip Larkin, “Annus Mirabillis” © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sex Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time. Joan Rivers © 2015 Kwiple.com
Snapshot Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. Bill Clinton portrayed by Barbara Bush © 2015 Kwiple.com
Snapshot He thinks life begins at erection Rick Santorum portrayed by Bill Maher © 2015 Kwiple.com
Snapshot He weighs 120 but a 110 of those pounds are pure cock. Frank Sinatra portrayed by Ava Gardner © 2015 Kwiple.com
Snapshot The first guy ever to pay a porn star to shut her mouth. Donald Trump portrayed by Bill Maher Real Time with Bill Maher, March 24, 2023 © 2023 Kwiple.com
Snapshot He has told me he can't be sexually attracted to a woman who has had children. Donald Trump portrayed by Ivana Trump, with whom he had three children before replacing her with Marla Maples © 2016 Kwiple.com
Snapshot You could fuck everyone and trust no one. Life in East Germany portrayed by the writer Annegret Gollin © 2023 Kwiple.com
Social media If you don't have haters, you ain't poppin'. A woman quoted in Get Rich or Lie Trying, Symeon Brown's book about social media influencers, who was trolled for a video that went viral of her performing a sex act on a robot © 2022 Kwiple.com
State of the union c Anal sex has come into its own © 2016 Kwiple.com
Sticklers say I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky. Bill Clinton © 2015 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest  Donald Trump had Stormy Daniels spank him using a Forbes magazine with photos of him, Donald Jr. and Ivanka on the cover  Reported in Mother Jones, January 18, 2018 © 2018 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest Mattresses that send you email when they're being used and you're not home © 2016 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest NASA Denies That It's Running a Child Slave Colony on Mars — — — — — — — — — — — On Thursday, Alex Jones welcomed a guest to talk about how kidnapped children have been sent on a two-decade mission to space. NASA now denies the interplanetary conspiracy. headline, Daily Beast, June 29, 2017 © 2017 Kwiple.com
Surely you jest Picture him chasing me around his hotel room in his tighty-whities. Stormy Daniels, asking a fellow porn star to  imagine her cavorting with Donald Trump after the friend declined his invitation to participate in a threesome © 2018 Kwiple.com
Trumpists say Now, could it be that you really blacked out after having sex with Trump, which is a compliment. Truly, he screwed the brains out of her. That makes him a sex god. Greg Gutfeld, fantasizing about Stormy Daniels's brief encounter with Donald Trump  © 2024 Kwiple.com
 
Vietnam War You know, if you're young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam – it's called the dating game. Dating is like being in Vietnam. You're the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam. Donald Trump, on avoiding VD in the era of AIDS © 2019 Kwiple.com