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Fran Lebowitz

Sunday 24th of May 2026

1950s Childhood responsibilities in the '50s consisted largely of drawing Pilgrims. Fran Lebowitz, Wall Street Journal, April 3, 2015 © 2015 Kwiple.com
Bad news If a genetically handicapped Scientologist attempts to take the life of the vice- president of the 4H Club of Texas with a crossbow and someone knows about it, I would prefer that he keep it to himself. citation Fran Lebowitz, “No News Is Preferable” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Books We don't read  books. We mean  to read books. Fran Lebowitz, “Success Without College” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Children Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. Fran Lebowitz, “Parental Guidance”  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Cocks of the walk say I've never had the experience of being edited and never will. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Dogs If you are a dog and your owner suggests  that you wear a sweater,  suggest that he wear a tail. Fran Lebowitz, “Pointers for Pets”  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Poverty Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters. Fran Lebowitz, “How Not to Marry a Millionaire” © 2015 Kwiple.com
Racism We now live in a society where it's worse to call someone a racist than it is to be one. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie I write so slowly that I could write in my own blood without hurting myself. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Selfie Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com
Snapshot Every time I see the sentence “Paul Ryan is the conscience of the Republican Party,” I think: What is that? Is that like being the quarterback of the New York City Ballet? Paul Ryan portrayed by Fran Lebowitz © 2017 Kwiple.com
Snapshot Everybody says he is crazy – which maybe he is – but the scarier thing about him is that he is stupid. You do not know anyone as stupid as Donald Trump. You just don't. Donald Trump portrayed by Fran Lebowitz © 2018 Kwiple.com
Success Nothing succeeds like address. Fran Lebowitz, “The Nail Bank”  © 2015 Kwiple.com
Thinking Think before you speak. Read before you think.  Fran Lebowitz, “Tips for Teens”  © 2015 Kwiple.com
 
Voting Lunatics vote in the primaries and Americans vote in the generals. That's why we don't have a Republican president. It's pretty simple. Fran Lebowitz © 2015 Kwiple.com