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God
Monday 22nd of July 2024
2016 Presidential election
I had NOTHING to do with
making Trump president.
That was Putin.
– God
God@thegoodgodabove,
2:53 PM · Feb 13, 2019
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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2016 Presidential election
We know there's
no other way it could've happened
than the hand of God.
Steve Bannon's argument that
convinced Jeff Sessions not to resign
after one of Trump's humiliating put-downs
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Activist investors say
Praise ye
The God of Gold
William Walton,
“Belshazzar's Feast”
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Animal lovers say
If God had not intended
for us to eat animals, how come
He made them out of meat?
Sarah Palin, carnivore
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Anti-intellectualism
When the word of God says one thing
and scholarship says another,
scholarship can go to hell!
Dwight Moody
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Artificial intelligence
We can now reveal things that,
in the past, only god knew about,
thanks to technology including AI.
Mikio Okumura,
head of Sompo Holdings,
one of Japan's largest insurance companies,
launching a product to pay out on dementia
and to prevent it by analyzing heartbeats,
appetites and sleeping patterns
of nursing home residents
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Bankers say
Praise ye
The God of Gold
William Walton,
“Belshazzar's Feast”
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
Average monthly U.S. searches for:
who created god?
25,142
why does god allow suffering?
9,769
why does god hate me?
2,442
why does god want us to worship him?
258
why doesn't god answer my prayers?
119
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz,
New York Times, September 20, 2015
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
Average monthly U.S. searches for
the question: Why did God make me …
ugly?
422
gay?
145
black?
103
short?
33
stupid?
27
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz,
New York Times, September 20, 2015
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
There are 4.7 million searches
every year for Jesus Christ.
The pope gets 2.95 million.
There are 49 million for
Kim Kardashian.
…
On social media, it's the same story.
Ms. Kardashian has 26.3 million
likes on Facebook.
Jesus has 5.6 million;
the pope, 1.7 million.
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz,
New York Times, September 20, 2015
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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By the numbers
The top Google search
including the word “God”
is “God of War,” a video game with
more than 700,000 searches per year.
Seth Stephens-Davidowitz,
New York Times, September 20, 2015
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Cocks of the walk say
I'm the most honest human being,
perhaps, that God ever created.
Donald Trump
© 2024 Kwiple.com
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Cocks of the walk say
I am the only instrument
that God uses to sing his song.
I am only the vessel
that nature smilingly fills with new wine.
Joseph Goebbels
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Cocks of the walk say
God gave me my money.
John D. Rockefeller
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Dead-in-the-heads say
God is the only source of
our law, liberty and government.
Roy Moore
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Death
God will pardon me.
That's his line of work.
Last words of Heinrich Heine
© 2024 Kwiple.com
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Drugs
I'll die young,
but it's like kissing God.
Lenny Bruce
on his heroin addiction
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Evangelicals say
I have no interest in
a God who doesn't smite.
Billy Sunday
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Freedom
Freedom isn't America's gift to the world.
It is God's gift to mankind.
George W. Bush
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Global warming
There is one person that
changes climate in this country
and that is God.
Tommy Tuberville
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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God
God has a way of making sure
everyone knows who God is.
Marjorie Taylor Greene,
exulting over flooding and mud at Burning Man
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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God
God slumbers in a back alley
With a gin bottle in His hand.
Come on, God, get up and fight
Like a man.
“A Christian Country” by Langston Hughes
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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God
More people believe in belief in God
than believe in God.
Daniel C. Dennett,
New York Times, August 25, 2023
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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God
Most of the books call Her a He,
but I am able to
ascertain what is meant,
despite that semantic error.
Roseanne Barr
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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God
People say, how do you
get through that whole stuff?
How do you go through those
witch hunts and everything else?
And you know what we did, Mike,
we just do it. Right?
And we think about God.
Donald Trump,
National Prayer Day, May 2, 2019
[Mike = Mike Pence]
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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God
We are as gods
and might as well get good at it.
Stewart Brand,
Whole Earth Catalog, September 1, 1968
© 2024 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
If God exists,
Grover Norquist will be
drowned in a bathtub
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Remove “In God We Trust”
from coins and paper currency
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Kwiplers say
Remove “under God”
from the Pledge of Allegiance
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Marriage
It was very good of God
to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle
marry one another, and so make
only two people miserable and not four.
y
Samuel Butler
[Thomas Carlyle married Jane Baillie Welsh]
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Prayer
Learn to pray big.
God will rate you according to
the size of your prayers.
Norman Vincent Peale
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Punt returners say
Tell me.
Do you think God cares?
A rabbi,
responding to Daniel Bell,
who, during his bar mitzvah in 1932,
told the rabbi, “I've found the truth.
I don't believe in God. I'm joining the
Young People's Socialist League."
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Republican Party
God put the Republican Party
on earth to cut taxes.
If they don't do that,
they have no useful function.
Robert Novak
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Republicans say
Thank God for white guys
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Same-sex marriage
[Some of my opponents] do not
want to change the Constitution, but
I believe it's a lot easier to change the
the Constitution than it would be to
change the word of the living God.
And that's what we need to do
is to amend the Constitution so
it's in God's standards rather than
try to change God's standards so it
lines up with some contemporary view
of how we treat each other and
how we treat the family.
Mike Huckabee,
defending a constitutional amendment
to ban same-sex marriage
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Same-sex marriage
You've got understand, this is
for me not about the right side
or the wrong side of history,
this is about the right side of the Bible
and unless God rewrites it, edits it,
sends it down with his signature
on it, it's not my book to change.
Folks, that's why I stand
where I stand.
Mike Huckabee
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Science
If science can do anything,
it is precisely to uproot and destroy
any such thing
as a “meaning”!
And forget about science or
academic knowledge as a path
“to God” – these are precisely
the forces hostile and foreign to God.
No one – whether he admits it or not –
can doubt in his heart of hearts
that this is what the sciences are.
Max Weber, “The Scholar's Work”
in
Charisma and Disenchantment,
translated by Damion Searls
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
Look at the attention I get:
It's because I throw a football.
But that's what society values.
That's not what God values.
God could give a shit,
as far as I'm concerned.
Tom Brady
© 2017 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
I shall be an autocrat; that's my trade.
And the good Lord will forgive me:
that's his.
Attributed to Catherine the Great
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
I, for my part, acknowledge
another precept which says that
man must deal the final blow
to those whose downfall
is destined by God.
Adolf Hitler
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Selfie
If I do something wrong,
I try to do something right.
I don't bring God into that picture.
Donald Trump
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Snapshot
Jerry Falwell found out
you could launder your hate
through the cover of “God's will”
— he didn't hate gays, God does.
Jerry Falwell
portrayed by Bill Maher
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Snapshot
Jerry Falwell found out
you could launder your hate
through the cover of “God's will”
— he didn't hate gays, God does.
Jerry Falwell
portrayed by Bill Maher
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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Sports
If God wanted football in the spring,
he wouldn't have created baseball.
Donald Trump,
who bought a team in the USFL,
which played football in the spring,
and then sued the NFL to force it
to merge with the USFL, which
would thereafter play in the fall
and share in the NFL's television
advertising revenue without having
to create a fan base large enough
to attract advertisers
© 2016 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
Any honest assessment of
Donald Trump's spiritual walk
will show a man who has
a reverence for God.
Does he make mistakes? Yes.
Can he be a little “New Yawk”
around the edges? You bet.
But don't lose sight of the fact that
a man with billions of dollars and more
power than you can ever imagine
could easily have no interest in
a connection with God. Instead,
he seeks out men and women of God.
David Brody and Scott Lamb,
The Faith of Donald J. Trump:
A Spiritual Biography
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
God is sending America
strong signs to tell us to repent.
Earthquakes and eclipses
and many more things to come.
I pray that our country listens.
Marjorie Taylor Greene,
12:13 PM – Apr 5, 2024
© 2024 Kwiple.com
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<
Trumpists say
God loves it when I try to talk
in my spirit language.
He thinks it's so cute that
the only person in the world
who can understand me is him.
When I'm praying in tongues,
my brain oftentimes is active.
That's just because I've got this
high-powered brain that never stops and
drives me crazy, and so what I'll often do
is I will send it on another assignment.
Kelly Tshibaka,
Trump-endorsed candidate to become
a new Republican Senator from Alaska in 2022
to rerplace Lisa Murkowski, who's too sane
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
He [Chuck Schumer] was wondering why
on Sundays Georgia would not participate
in an electoral process of gathering signa-
tures, registrations and things on Sunday.
Georgia's a southern state just like
Mississippi. I cannot speak for Georgia
but I can speak for Mississippi on why
we would never do that on a Sunday.
…
And God's word in Exodus 20:18 it says,
“Remember the sabbath and keep it holy.”
So that is my response to senator Schumer.
Cindy Hyde-Smith, during a debate about
Georgia's proposal to outlaw voting on Sunday,
when many Blacks go from church to the polls.
[The verse referred to is Exodus 20:8, not 20:18.
The Hebrew sabbath is Saturday, not Sunday.]
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
Here is the
the most powerful man in the world.
Yet he's not too proud to bow his head
in the Oval office and ask God for help.
Robert Jeffress,
televangelist and pastor of the 3,000-seat,
$130 million First Baptist Church of Dallas
© 2018 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
I came to realize:
life is that gift from God that I think,
even if life begins in that
horrible situation of rape,
that is something that
God intended to happen.
Richard Earl Mourdock
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
I know some people in the media
will break out the pitchforks
when they hear that
I ask God for direction in my work.
I'm proud to say that President Trump
has let our State Department do that.
Indeed, he has demanded that we do.
Mike Pompeo,
Secretary of State
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
I think God calls all of us
to fill different roles
at different times
and I think that he wanted
Donald Trump to become president,
and that's why he's there.
Sarah Huckabee Sanders
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
If you are pregnant,
God made you completely capable to be
a mother, and he will provide for you,
as you strive in life and become a mother.
Motherhood will be the most incredible
journey of your entire life, bringing you
continuous joy you’ve never known.
Marjorie Taylor Greene,
9:06 AM – Jun 28, 2022
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
It's just like God
to use a young Jewish couple
to help Christians.
David Jeremiah,
pastor of a Southern Baptist megachurch
in El Cajon, California, comparing
Jared and Ivanka to Joseph and Mary
© 2020 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
There is one peron that changes
this climate in this country
and that is God. OK?
Tommy Tuberville
(renowned, but not for climate science)
© 2021 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
There is one person
that changes climate in this country,
and that is God.
Ron Johnson,
a.k.a. “the Wizard of Wisconsin”
© 2023 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
We’re not here on this earth to please man
— we're here to please God.
Leigh Wambsganss,
executive director, Patriot Mobile Action,
a conservative Christian nationalist group
intent on taking over schoolboards
everywhere in America
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
Why do we assume that
the body’s natural immune system
isn’t the marvel that it really is?
Why do we think that we can
create something better than God
in terms of combating disease?
Ron Johnson, anti-vaxxer
© 2022 Kwiple.com
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Trumpists say
You know,
Barack Obama doesn't get to be
the President of the United States
without being ordained by God.
Neither did Donald Trump.
Rick Perry
© 2019 Kwiple.com
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War
The god of war
has gone over to the other side.
Adolf Hitler,
after the Battle of Stalingrad
© 2015 Kwiple.com
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